I'm opening a doggie spa. $75/hour doggie massage.

Drawing 18 (2-for-1).

My dog loves to eat bubbles. The soapy kind. She get's so excited that she'll take a lick or two out of the soap tray because she just can't wait to jump up and snap at those floating morsels of internal cleanliness.


On the other hand, she has never met a chimpanzee. She doesn't usually like it when other animals are bigger than her, and I don't think the now 28-year-old Bubbles would be in any mood for her shenanigans.

Let the garden grow?

Is that an expression? Because if it is, it implies that you just throw some seeds out and crack open a Coke, sit on the porch, and wait. Even if that is the way it works with zucchini, it otherwise doesn't make any sense.


Anyways, I really really want to have a garden this year but have heard all kinds of warnings about doing so while pregnant. I guess it's probably true I should avoid digging in dirt that certainly has rabbit and squirrel droppings throughout. Maybe that's why Penny has been "managing" more than her own waste? Such a helpful dog.

Wouldn't it be enough to wear gloves and a mask? Even if I don't become uber crunchy and use my own carrots to make baby food, fresh green beans just sound too delicious.

I should just start referring to my dog as "my cat."

Oh. My. God.

So we got back from a vacation in HAWAII last night, and I've not gotten myself together for a post about it, but I will say this:

Our dog has been rolling in poop.

Dad: Penny's been good, but she kind of smells.
Me: Well, that's normal.
Dad: Ehhhhh.....
Me: Oh, it's gotten worse?
Dad: I took a wet towel to her, but she still smells.

Sure enough, it was time for the most thorough bath of her life. Welcome home!

Dogs are for wrestling and people are for snuggling

It's been a while since we've heard from Penny. She's been busy eating, sleeping, pooping, and eating her poop. She also discovered a new hobby: being afraid of thunderstorms. One of my hobbies is being a pushover, so when she creeps over to the bed after the sky-grumbles start and looks longingly up at me, I have to snuggle her. More proof that she will find whatever reason she can to curl up in a lap or the crook of an arm all the day (and night) long. She also shakes a lot, which really ups her patheticness.

She isn't nearly as social with other animals, especially if she's on a leash. This week, however, she made a new friend despite her usual growly routine. She's defensive; maybe it's her size or her breed or her lack of proper training. I don't know. She just doesn't like to be sniffed, and I have to say I quite agree that this is really a violation of personal space. She's also growly when she plays, which can be confusing for other dogs and their people, but Lily the beagle took it very well. Penny (and long-time cohort Gretzky) would prefer wrestling when playing with other dogs. But if you're like Lily and you're not a wrestler, running so fast that you grunt every time your feet hit the ground will suffice.


Why the running starts, we don't know. What the running will accomplish, we don't know. We only know that it is fun and then they sleep.

Adventures of two hunds

More crafty stuff soon, but today we just have an admission. I dressed up the dogs last time Gretzky came to stay.


Because it's cute, that's why. And they were willing to pose!

"Grrrrrrr," and other things that happened in my house last week

Penny's bestie, Gretzky, stayed with us last week because his people, my sister and brother-in-law, were on vacation.

There was a lot of barking at the window. Squirrels, bunnies, leaves, mailmen. Who knows. Well, I know one day it was a squirrel who had perched on the little table on the porch, just about two feet in front of the dogs, who were apoplectic.


There was also a lot of prodding of the dogs, since we were trying to get both of them to sleep on the floor. The first night, I woke up multiple times to shoo Gretzky off the bed. What I didn't know (hubs told me the next day) was that Penny was on the bed for some amount of time because she's sneaky and bad and didn't wake us up. Poor Gretzky just wanted to be included. I'm extremely disappointed that they didn't snuggle in Penny's bed. Gretzky would just approach it slowly when Penny was in there and then just back away. Pansy.


They did have snuggly moments when laps were involved. More often, they wrassled and growled, tried to hump one another, and were generally instigators of mayhem. Penny tried to sit on Gretzky's face, and he didn't know whether to kick her in the butt or bite her legs. Hilarious.


UPCOMING PROJECT: knitted doggie boots. Stay tuned.

Mischief Managed: Chicken wire does not deter dog

I don't know what's between the compost and the garage (crickets?), but Penny needs to get them.


She is not deterred by only having three or four inches of space in which to wriggle around trying to find that elusive but must-have something. Nor is she deterred by the marigolds blocking the entrance to said space. One of those marigolds is now crushed.


She doesn't get that something on the first venture into the crevice, so she backs out and tries again and again. It's a little like the part in Finding Nemo when Marlon and Nemo are getting ready for school and they're going in and out of the anemone. "First you go out, then go back in. Then you go back out, and then back in. Then go back in a third time, and then out. And if you want to do a fourth time...". I think here (above) she is on her way out, judging by how the fence is directing her doggy-mustache.


I don't know which way she's going now, but it's hilarious to watch her scale that chicken wire and make little grunts of effort.

Mischief Managed: Penny the destroyer

You may recall that Penny once STOLE (yes, stole) a ball from her bestie Gretzky by sneaking it into her kennel while we were at his house, thereby ensuring its transport back home. Us unsuspecting humans were shocked and thought it hilarious. Then we thought it was super cute that it became her favorite toy ever. We bought the same ball in pink for her, which she plays with, but it's just not the green ball.

For some weeks, the green ball disappeared - but when Laura found it under the computer stand, Penny was uber excited and promptly gathered it into her clutches for a soothing session of chewing. Hubs and I went out for the evening, leaving our charge in the care of my sister, and we returned to find this on the kitchen counter:


Sis has never seen this side of Penny and was also looking after two kids. Once again, humans underestimate hund. Thank God she spit out all (or most of) the pieces. But now the green ball has been filed away and Penny's comeupance is a trip to the vet today. Not really, she just needs an annual checkup.

Mischief Managed: Penny loves the sprinkler

The night we got Penny, the breeders sat down with us and we chatted at length about her breed and dog care in general. She was the last of the litter to go, and it was obvious that Jen and Len loved their dogs and puppies. One of the many crucial bits of information they shared was that jacks are often not the kind of dogs who can have a bowl of food sitting around; anything and everything in a food bowl will be scarfed with reckless abandon. Sure enough, Penny never really chewed her food for the first four or so years of her life.


Her eating habits have become more relaxed, but she can still certainly get over-excited. I guess we'd never had her in the yard with the oscillating sprinkler until last week...boy was she missing out. She loves being sprayed in the face with the hose, and the sprinkler is even better because instead of relying on our indulgence, she can walk right up to the source and get it for herself. I was so busy supervising the kids that fifteen minutes of play time passed before Jen and Len's voices came to mind ("they'll just eat until they burst!"). I looked over at poor Penny and, sure enough, her belly was visibly swollen. After I shooed her away from the sprinkler, she realized how uncomfortable she was and started whining. I felt so, so bad! The trick was to wait for her to expel the excess water without letting her get back to the sprinkler (because, you know, excitement trumps intelligence). Said expulsion was all she needed; her efforts to conquer the sprinkler re-doubled, and we had to ruin the poor thing's fun by putting her inside for her own good.

Mischief Managed: Complete disregard for her own health

We built a pathway from the back walk to the front walk last year along the north side of the house. The grass on either side was cleared, too, because we plan on putting some shade-loving something-or-others in there. Oh, man. Landscaping is not for ninnies.

Other areas of the yard have taken presidence over filling these strips of dirt (the garden, mostly), and so the weeds have been having their way with the area. We periodically clear some of them, which is why they appear to stop abruptly. I'm not sure what Penny was chasing in there, but I'm trying to teach her "out." It's not going well. But she's allergic to something in the yard and spends way too much time licking her paws because of it. Apparently, dogs can be allergic to creeping charlie, and although the purple flowers look kind of pretty here, I'd like to get rid of this naughty weed. I think I'm allergic to it, too.

Penny also likes to roll around in the grass sometimes, after which she struggles to wipe the dirt away from her eyes. You'd think she'd stop doing it, but that would be altogether too logical. At least she doesn't roll around in her own filth.

The lilacs. "Love it!" *I say while kicking up leg.*

Mischief Managed: Oops

Penny just sneezed and fell off the couch. Hilarious.

Mischief Managed: Penny has a new friend!

My sister got a black lab puppy and named it Maddie. She is the bitiest (she bites a lot) dog I've ever known, but I guess I haven't known that many puppies. She is very social and wants to be a lap dog even though she's really too big for that now. Despite her bitiness, she's obviously much more trainable than my own dog - she just needs to grow up a little (mature, not get bigger). She already knows how to sit, shake, and come. She REALLY wants to play with their cat, Jones, but Jones is having none of that - he hisses, swats, and puffs himself up when Maddie gets within four feet of him. Yet Maddie keeps on trying.


We've been talking about introducing Penny to Maddie since they got her, at which time she was still smaller than Penny. That didn't last long. So the other day when they met Penny had a bit of a freak-out at first because this crazy dog who's bigger than her was jumping and barking and snapping. But after five minutes of careful collar holding while sniffing could still be done, she put aside her defensive growls and, I'm sure recognizing this as a puppy, they were perfectly fine. Maddie must have recognized Penny as her elder because I don't think she even tried nibbling at her, which for Maddie must have been a real struggle. Penny played with her but also wanted to sit on our laps and observe while Maddie bounded around trying to get more play.


This is unfortunately the only photo I have of the meeting. What I love most about Maddie is that her puppiness makes Penny seem calm and behaved in comparison, and the kids now think Penny is just the greatest!

Mischief Managed: Just so cute

Penny likes to nest.


The bed (against your legs and under the covers especially), the blanket/pillow on the living room couch, and any kind of laundry pile are her favorite places.

I've been working on a few projects that I'll share soon. Penny usually tries to sit with me, totally ignoring my strands of yarn and various needles - except when they poke her. Or she rolls on the floor, trying to scent her toys; sometimes pausing a few feet from them so she can suddenly pounce and "get it." She never used to entertain herself - until she stole her favorite ball from its rightful owner. If she's really bored and she knows where her toys are but can't get to them, she will whine until you realize that's what she's looking for.

She is sitting next to me now, and I think she just ate a ladybug.

Mischief Managed: Penny helps with chores

My apologies for the cell phone photo...


This is what happens when I sit down. Penny gets all up in my business, no matter what I'm doing. Only when I'm eating does she know that she's not allowed anywhere near my lap. But she often tries to squeeze herself betwixt me and my laptop. Sometimes she goes ahead and lays her chin on it.

Then there are those days when I do my exercises - after elipticalling for a while, I lift some five-pounders and then do maybe 20 minutes of stretching. As I bend at the waste to touch my toes, here comes Penny, weaving in and out of my dangling arms in a futile attempt at forcing me to pet her. Then I sit on the floor in the butterfly position and she crawls in there, circles a few times, and then hunkers down while I try to bend forward as far as I can without crushing her or tearing any muscles.

And as any pet owner knows, laundry is the best chore to be involved in because the person folding may very well have a lap to fill, and if no such lap is available, there are probably piles of scrumptious-smelling, soft clothes to muss and fall asleep in.

Sunday's Mischief Managed: Bath time

Penny doesn't get baths too often and like lots of dogs, she's not very fond of them. She tolerated me pretty well for this bath, although I always had a hand on her lest she jump out of the tub. During the bath, the look on her face is typically confused and bewildered, which you would never guess was the case if you viewed one of her post-bath frenzies.


Without fail, the water that has permeated her coat sends her into a crazed blur - she runs as fast as possible up and down the hallways and around corners for several minutes. The house echoes with the sounds of her toenails griping the carpet as she changes directions and her growls and grunts as she lets all of her little inhibitions go.


I think this is a dead leaf from one of my dead houseplants and I'm pretty sure Penny ate it during a lull in her mania. Just to re-fuel.

Sunday's Mischief Managed on a Tuesday

Ok, we had a rough weekend in the house, which will happen. So I'm playing catch up now.

I will spare you the disgust of posting pictures, because I'd like to recount one of Penny's more...sordid...outdoor activities.

I'd like to say that our dog gets enough exercise out in our backyard since we fenced it after moving in. In the summer, I'm good about taking her for half-mile or mile walks quite often. But in the winter, it's cold. This is Minnesota - and it's too cold for me and it's too cold for her. Not only does this mean we don't go for walks, it also means that from sometime in November to sometime in March we don't even go out in the yard with her. Coincidentally (or not so), this is also the time-frame that I can be found wearing long underwear every single day.

So our yard in the winter becomes somewhat of a mine field. Our hope is that she goes out to do her business and comes straight back in to claim her treat. We don't let her stay out for more than five minutes or so alone for several reasons. The "mines" being one, plus there are sometimes hawks around and as a Jack she might start digging holes. Luckily hawks and digging haven't been problems so far, but sometimes she gets distracted and sometimes it's because she's eating her own crap. I'll be at the door saying, "no!" or whistling or calling her name - but she honestly doesn't notice. It's not that she's intentionally ignoring me...because when she happens to look up and catch sight of me, she usually comes. She just gets so focused on eating that crap that nothing else exists. It's amazingly frustrating.

Once in a while she sees me and continues her dastardly deed just to be naughty. Half the time I stay inside getting angrier and angrier, and the other half I put my boots on and go get her. Of course, by the time I get to her she's already ingested it. Either way, by the time she comes in, I can't very well reprimand her because she probably wouldn't understand what she did wrong.

I assume this is because she does need more exercise or attention. It doesn't seem to hurt her, but obviously it's gross. I know I'm not the only dog owner with this problem - how do we handle it?

Sunday's Mischief Managed

This is perhaps Penny's most outrageous scandal. It started on Christmas Day, 2008. We took her over to Becky's house in the morning so we could prepare some chicken wings for later, then put the dogs (Penny and Gretzky) in their kennels and headed out to the xmas party for one side of my in-laws. Upon returning to Becky's house after said party, we released the dogs and welcomed our good friends the Rownds who were in town and were joining us for dinner. Everyone had a lovely time and at the end of the evening, we packed up Penny's belongings and went home.
The next day, Joe and I were sitting in front of the television when Penny comes trotting in with a green ball that is most definitely not hers. She had stowed it away in her own kennel so that it would be transported home.
Penny has one toy to her name - a bone - because she destroys toys and this one is pretty indestructible. Not only does she destroy them, she eats them and processes them through her digestive tract - which isn't good when you're talking about rubber bits and yellow fuzz. The funny thing is that she's otherwise not a chewer - never chews shoes or pillows and gave up chewing blankets after she teethed. It has also been hard to play with her because all she wants is for you to chase her and try to get the thing. She's horrible at fetch - doesn't bring the ball to you and even if she did she would just run away with it.
But here she is with this green plastic ball, saying "play with me!"


Suddenly, with this ball and this ball only, she brings it to you for you to throw. She still wants to resist giving it up, but the only word she always responds to ("stay") will make her relent. She also still wants to chew on the ball, but seems to do so much more gently than with anything else.
Like many other things, she likes to roll on the ball. Either getting its scent on her or her scent on it. I don't know, but it's hilarious when she accidentally bumps it out of her reach and then pounces on it like a cat.


Sometimes she's so insistent that you play with her she starts whining. Once when I was trying to finish a knitting project, she came over and put the ball right on top of my knitting.


Here, she's obviously relishing her own cunning at stealing her best friend's possession.

Regular features

I've been thinking about making this whole thing a little more structured by posting regular features a few days a week. So here's what's in the works:

Monday's Wise Words: Comments on and links to articles that are of interest to all you intelligent beings out there - focusing mostly on feminist issues.

Wednesday's Comment Call-out: Reviews of the best and worst reader comments out there - focusing on those that either make me so, so mad or laugh out loud.

Friday's Sweet Stuff: Comments on and links to products/services/people that are awesome - focusing on other local crafters.

Sunday's Mischief Managed: Comments on the life of Penny, my Jack Russell - focusing on her stinker moments.

Look out for more...coming soon!