November 3, 2010

I am so sorry about this post.

You know, I was just thinking to myself, "self, what if instead of writing a blog about the mundane goings-on of a crafter, you wrote about the mundane status of your health and various medications? On one hand, the topics are equally uninteresting to a world of people who are busy with their own crafts and have their own bodies and minds to worry about. On the other, they're both just about the nitty-gritty of life, to which everyone can relate. Plus people are super voyeuristic and will read just about anything."

And then I was all, "you know, that's all true, but the real benefit of a state-of-being blog such as we're discussing is that it will finally give the elderly motivation to join the internets!"*

And then I wondered how a post might go, and imagined this:

Dear Electronic Universe,
Well, the diverticulitis is flaring up again. At least I think that's what the pain in my side and the random diarrhea is. I don't know why in God's name I ate that popcorn last night. The chlordiazepoxide does nothing, so I'm going to take Martha's advice and ask the doctor for ciprofloxacin, which you have to take three times a day** unfortunately. That'll make 13 pills every 24 hours! Doc has to adjust my thyroid medication, too. And then add to that the antibiotic ointment he'll most likely prescribe for my eczema. Guess I'll be sleeping with socks on my hands again!

See, I made most of that up*** and it was still really cathartic. And I bet there's a heap of folks who would commiserate on any one of the many implicated ailments. If I were elderly I might not have included links, because I probably couldn't figure out how to do it,**** and let's hope I couldn't figure out how to upload pictures because there is a time and place for visuals and this would not be it, but old people often lose their sense of inhibition and do some pretty crazy - and sometimes nasty - stuff.*****

* It's not habitual for me to have discussions with myself like this.
** No idea what the dosage is, and I don't care.
*** Actually, this just a small sample of some of the medical problems plaguing my family members.
**** I feel really bad about saying that. It's just that my grandma, whom I love dearly, has a lift chair with three buttons that she cannot master. It frustrates her and everyone else, but it is what it is. Not 30 myself, I can tell my brain function is not what it used to be - *possibly* due to computer use, but that would be entirely counterproductive to point out here.
***** I feel bad about saying this, too. But that same grandmother, and her mother before her (both well past the age of 80 at their respective outbursts), has declared, "ah, bit by the trouser worm!" after learning of some relatives' pregnancy or other.


Nina said...

Hmm, I could do a similar post.. "As if it wasn't enough that I have to have breast surgery, because the lump I had has evolved into some kind of tumour-type-tissue, and the doctor wants to cut it out. Well, as long as it's not cancer, fine, let's cut. But now I also need to have a ct-scan to check all lymph nodes.. And as if that wasn't enough, I also need to have tests taken, to rule out rheumatism, because my thumb has been sore and swollen for over a week, for no apparent reason." This was unfortunately not a fictional story. But at least I will have had just about every test imaginable taken at the end of this. :) (can you tell that I'm a bit sick of running to the doctor every couple of days? XD )

Theresa B said...

Tests are so annoying! Especially when they don't yield any helpful information. Isn't it funny how a little thing like a thumb can be such a bummer when not working properly? That's how I feel about my knee, which seems to be grinding and reminds me of my 88-year-old grandma.

Reuben said...

trouser worm? yikes.