This scarf hanger is wicked awesome.

I think I'm going to corrupt the New England-accented "wicked awesome" with a Minnesotan accent.

So many Pinterest projects, so little time. Thank you to Be Different, Act Normal for this idea:

Hanger + shower curtain rings = no more balled up scarves. I found that the weight of the scarves made all the rings slide to one end of the hanger, but that was easily solved by grabbing a spool of cheap ribbon from my stash and wrapping the rings into place.

This is why we save every button that ever came off anything.

Plus, since I save lengths of ribbon and scraps of fabric I can probably make like five more of these before I run out of buttons.

For the baby's room, which did not need another piece of decor (shrug), I stretched scrap of grey herringbone over some foamcore and added black ribbon before gluing on the buttons.

It will sit on the highest shelf of his bookcase until the day I disassemble it because it is without a doubt the most dangerous thing in the room - what with the chewable foam, sharp pins, toxic glue, and throat-sized buttons.

Is it that time of year already?

August (the month) is more than half over and the stores have fully merchandised their back-to-school supplies. August (the baby) is six weeks old and has changed a lot since he was born. I shant go into a litany of his isn't-my-baby-amazing developmental feats, but I will remark simply that it's fascinating to think of how much he'll change in yet another month. Kids will be making use of their newly sharpened number twos and my baby will be smiling and probably potty trained and I'm sure I'll be dusting off my long underwear as the temperature begins to dip below 60 degrees.


I'm reflecting on this because the coming cooler seasons conjure the image of knitting and watching the latest television programming and snuggling under a blanket. Whether or not this vision of coziness is attainable with a small being under foot, I'm feeling like making plans for all the knits I'd like to make.


True, I have not picked up any knitting in the last two months. But I do want to get moving on August's giraffe and maybe I'll make him a little pilot hat. At the very least I'd like to spend hours and hours on Ravelry searching for and saving patterns for sweaters and toys and socks and all kinds of assorted goodies that I'll never get to - but, like knitting in front of our gas fireplace with the TV on and a mug of cocoa beside me, it's nice to think about.

Also nice to think about: greenness. Trees and grass and all the lovely green things of summer are still here and I love it. Strange to think about: if you live in the southern hemisphere Christmas is in the summer.

Huh. Didn't expect to give birth the next day.

When I posted last, I was 38 weeks and one day and thinking, "gee, I feel like this baby might be early." And then he was born. Here is a short account for those who like to hear about births. The rest of you can gawk at this picture and just imagine that the angels sang a chorus and we were spontaneously transported to the hospital where he just appeared in the bassinet next to my bed.

August Robert Bernard was born at 1:11 pm on Saturday, July 9, 2011. I had woken up to pee at 4:30 am that day, but something was a little different from the usual mid-night run. Sure enough, half an hour later I was contracting. For some reason I was not convinced this was it. By 6:00 or so I was not a happy camper - yet still not convinced. Meanwhile, hubs knew what was going on and got into full I-better-get-as-ready-as-possible gear. He was setting up the bassinet, cleaning the kitchen, tidying the dining table, somehow all while comforting me as I began to writhe every few minutes.

By 8:00 I decided that we needed to go to the hospital even though I feared getting there and being told this was just false labor or that we should've stayed home because it would several more hours before anything important started happening. I wasn't sure that I could endure several more hours of this, or believe that "real" labor might be harder. And so I made my delirious way to the car, although now I have no recollection of how I was able to manage it.

I had been imaging how this car ride would go for a couple of weeks and figured I would be berating hubs for hitting too many bumps and making my whole achy belly jiggle. In fact, I noticed zero bumps - I only knew that I was undoubtedly going to explode and FINALLY I embraced that this is happening.

There was only one moment of bickering, and it was over where to park. Really, it was just that hubs was going to park in the ramp as we had planned and it was very suddenly clear to me that I would not make it from the ramp to the ER. Indeed, as I walked the ten yards from our metered car spot to the doors, I was wondering what would happen if I just collapsed in the driveway. I didn't though.

Fast forward through almost passing out at check-in and being wheeled up to labor and delivery triage... the nurses got me on a gurney and started doing stuff. I don't know what, but it was all just a horrible way to torture me while denying me the drugs I always said I'd *try* to do without but now desperately needed. Check number one: 4 cm. Check number two about 30 minutes later: 10 cm.

Suddenly they were all, "let's get her to a room!" But they didn't know which because there had been no time to plan. We stopped in a few doorways before settling on a room. The hurry to get me into a delivery bed was quite cinematic. And then I proceeded to push for four hours.

I think there are a few reasons for this... 1) we hadn't had a chance to call anyone and my mom and sister needed time to get there; 2) like so many first-timers, I had to figure out how to push when it was both the last and first thing I wanted to do; and 3) it had all gone so fast and was so intense that my body was already wrecked - it was definitely what they call "back labor." Which means unbearable, hip-bursting excruciatingness.

I won't detail the actual delivery, but will say that I did feel it all. At many times during the process I thought, "I'm never doing this again," and other such dramatic beliefs that trauma induces. I'm not taking it back so far, as you can clearly see that I have not yet achieved the forgetting they talk about.

When August came out, they put him on me and the only thing I remember thinking was that I've never felt anything so soft. There were cheers from the room. My head was otherwise white noise. He didn't cry, he just looked around like, "well, here I am." And he was so soft. Apologies for the ridiculous mushiness, but suddenly my existence meant something totally different than what I'd ever known, because a human being was made. From nothing. I'm still trying to understand.

Stats:
7 pounds, 8 ounces
19 1/2 inches long
14 inch head cir.

Six days later we've come home and are doing all the things new parents do, and August is just doing his little baby things. Except for rolling over. He totally rolled from his front to his back at five days old.

Falling behind and catching up.

Well, we're at 33 weeks but I never got around to posting the pictures we took at 31 weeks or 32 weeks. This has inspired a frightening conclusion: I've spent my whole adult life running 10-15 minutes late, so once I have a kid it'll probably be more like 20-30. I really don't want to be that person. I really don't. Where do those minutes go? To last-minute bathroom breaks, running back to the cupboard because you forgot snacks, strapping the kid in the car seat and then having to take them out to change a diaper because you don't want them sitting in poo for a 45-minute car ride...


And where have these weeks gone? Mostly to planning showers, shopping for baby room goods, and putting my suddenly swollen feet up.


Meanwhile, I've accumulated several projects that various people have asked me to do and successfully let them stew on the shelf for...I'm embarrassed to say...months. I guess you don't stew things on a shelf. They were put on the back burner. There. But as birth looms nearer, some instinct is telling me I can't have obligations plaguing my conscience! I must scrape extraneous tasks off my plate! So I've matted three pictures, repaired four pieces of jewelry, and made two new necklaces I've been meaning to get to.


This one has large green jasper beads courtesy of my mom.

Next: repairing sweaters and making baby-room pillows (because, you know - they always tell you to give an infant plenty of pillows).

Craft! Craft while you still can!

This is what the voices tell me. There are just 12 weeks left.

Which reminds me - I went shopping for clothes and found A LOT of deals so I ended up in the dressing room for like an hour and somewhere in there I noticed that I'm really pregnant. Our little $15 dorm room mirror at home has not done me justice, but the store had huge mirrors unblemished with areas of distortion and cripes am I big. Not as big as I will be, but I still had to take a moment. Will I ever look like this again? Will I remember this when I'm old and have no idea what day it is? Do I fully appreciate the quiet calm of having an inside-baby?

Um, anyways. As expected, most of what I've been doing is in the drawing book because it indulges the crafty side and the lazy side. But I need to make curtains, I've started a stuffed giraffe, I'd like to start knitting a skirt for Laura's birthday, and I have made several thank-you notes to be used later on. They kind of follow the theme and colors of the baby room.


I love paper crafts. I love the smell of paper. So cards are some of my favorite things to make - especially because they are uber expensive to buy and I've already amassed a stockpile of supplies.

On the other hand, designing these things can take a lot of tries and it can still get expensive depending on embellishments. This is why I don't plan on making scrapbooks for this child or possibly for anything other than to add to books I've already started. Instead I plan on ordering custom digital books, which might not take any less time but will be less expensive. And they'll have that delicious paper and ink smell.

This is the most amount of clothes I've worn in possibly ever.

Last night our furnace stopped taking in air to heat so the house was holding steady at 55 degrees, the temperature at which I stop denying the dog the benefit of sleeping under the covers with us, resulting in me being wedged between her and hubs in a tomb-like position all night except when I had to get up to pee at 5 am, which thoroughly woke me up because you can imagine how cold the toilet seat was. I'm still wearing no less than five layers of clothes, even though an HVAC guy came out like six hours ago and fixed the problem. I hate being cold.

On the plus side, I got some knitting done today and helped my star* student fix a couple of problems in her own projects. We had the fireplace going, the tree lit, and Ghostbusters 2 on TV. Turned out to be a pretty nice snowy day. Maybe after the holidays I won't be working full time and I'll be able to finish that sweater that's been in the works for months!


*my only student

Wanted: Repurposing ideas

First of all, I almost just typed "reporposing" in the title of this post, and now I'm wondering how you could reporpose something. Like it originally resembled a porpoise (correct spelling) but then something happened and it was disfigured so you reporposed it.


Also, I'm no etymologist, but apparently porpoises are also known as mereswine, which is like some strange hybrid of the French word for SEA (mer) and the English word for SWINE (swine) that essentially names these majestic creatures "pigs of the sea." Not very flattering.

Aquatic mammals aside, I recently purchased a box of cards from my place of employment, which I enjoy but blame for my severely reduced presence on the internets of late. Having used all the cards, I now have this cute box that I don't want to throw away. So my challenge to you, my little cabbages,* is to come up with a use or project idea.



*My junior-high French teacher insisted that this is a common expression of endearment, but as I remember it, she also used it interchangeably with "my little donkeys," and she also had a routine of what I can only assume was a full ten minutes of daily hairspraying. Not the kind of earth-friendly hairspraying we do these days (is that even a thing?), but the early 1990s kind of toxic, mind-numbing hairspraying.

It's a fairytale ballpark with *almost* perfect bathrooms

Today I saw my first game at Target Field. We lost, but that's probably because Joe Mauer, a.k.a. "Baby Jesus," wasn't playing. Blasphemous, perhaps, but hey, I didn't come up with it. Whoever did, though, was brilliant because they can just buy a shit ton of WWJD bracelets and sell them to some pro shop for like $12 a piece, and then the pro shop can sell them to us for like $36 a piece. Anyways, our losing did not really detract from the blatant awesomeness of our new park.

I look slightly bewildered because I'm not photogenic.

My first impression related to this outing - not necessarily to the game, the team, or the field - was gained on my ride to park on the light rail and it is this: people kind of smell. So I guess I'm really glad it's open-air, because there were A LOT of people there, and after the most crowded train ride I've ever had, I can only assume that a lot of those people smelled.

My second impression was that a lot of money has gone into this place. I'm clearly having an obvious day, ok? The giant Budweiser sign, the epic screen that I'm pretty sure is going to get someone killed someday because you can see it from the freeway, the Twin Cities homage that lights up in various ways when various plays are made... seriously, what's the electric bill like for this place? I realize that the park is LEED certified, which is worth the money. I'm just saying. Also, if my sources are correct (and by "sources" I mean my husband), there are like 50 extra people on staff just to take care of the grass. That would mean every person is responsible for 2,000 square feet of turf - an area more than twice as large as my city-sized back yard, where I cannot control the creeping charlie, dandelions, crab grass, and maple saplings.

By the way, I appreciate that the MN sign shows a crowd-pleasing cordial - even friendly - bond between Minneapolis and St. Paul (a.k.a. "Pig's Eye"), but let's be honest... Minneapolis should be punching St. Paul in the face while St. Paul is kicking Minneapolis in the groin. Also, the bat that St. Paul is holding should really be a bottle of Irish whiskey.

Anyways, this is the view from our seats. Denard Span takes a strike. Also seen from our seats: a lot of Justin Morneau. "Jason," as you may know him from when he won the homerun derby.

Ok, now here's what I really wanted to post about: the bathrooms. To hubs's horror, I did take pictures. Impression 3: Target is really pushing this "green" thing, which is cool but confusing given the exorbitant electrical "needs" of the park. Refer to the LEED Certification mentioned above. This sign is posted inside every bathroom stall door:

Dual-flush toilets. Awesome. Saves a lot of water. Impression 4: Target wanted to protect our health, but they kind of missed the mark on how to do this.

Apparently, "green" is not only a lifestyle, it's a germ-resistant color. Isn't it kind of a rule that you just flush with your foot in public restrooms? I feel like we've already figured out that part and don't really need the coated handle. What we do need are doors that open outward so you don't have to touch a handle on your way out, right after washing your hands. Right after washing your hands with hot water and soap, people. You disgust me. Or at least they should put a trash can next to the door so you can open it with a paper towel. Or they could just get bathroom attendants.

Final impression: Target Field offers the most delicious hot chocolate I've ever had. Also, the largest hot dogs I've ever had. I seriously had trouble getting my mouth around it and felt like it was some kind of sick joke.

Crossing my fingers that the weather is this nice every time!

Color Career Counselor

I'll be taking career counseling tests until I die. Does that indicate a career path?

At CareerPath.com, your color tastes are analyzed by: My results:
Best Occupational Category
You're a CREATOR
Keywords: Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.


2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER
Keywords: Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive

These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.


And then the Color Career Indicator 4.0 lists my "most fun careers." I would have to purchase the full report. Some of the ones they do disclose make sense, others confuse me...

Among the logical are Education Administrator, Middleschool Teacher, Office Manager, Administrative Assistant, Social Worker, Academic/Vocational Counselor, and Interior Designer.

Surprising but true are Firefighter, Coach, Truck Driver, Financial Manager, and Carpenter.

And then the you've-got-to-be-kidding-me ones are Customer Service Rep (sounds like a downer), EMT (getting panicky thinking about it), Stock Broker (hello, Wallstreet), and Retail Salesperson (*gagging on memories*).

What I've learned from this is that there are still a million different jobs and any one of them could be great or horrible and someone just needs to tell me what to do (for free). Keep making stuff until people start buying it, you say? Awesome, thanks.

Craft room move

So, Picasa, which is Google's photo editing software, is SO AWESOME! Because now I can add captions to my photos, there may or may not be less monotonous reading for you. Probably not. The one drawback: it has only furthered my suspicion that Google is making a run for world domination.

So we moved the craft room into the office. A whole room's worth of stuff into half the space? Yes. I'll be storing some things in the basement that I don't readily need and getting rid of a few things. GETTING RID OF A FEW THINGS. Crafting blasphemy.

Because the below-mentioned diploma was purchased via journalism school, and because journalists love puns and cliches, no matter what we may say when we're not writing headlines, I will go ahead and use the phrase "this is where the magic happens."

Photo collage for the bedroom

I did it! I didn't wait months or years to get this one done! It turned out to be way easier than the first; partly because there are only 25 pics instead of 49, and partly because I was already experienced in the limitations of my adhesives.


These are more scenic than the photos in the dining room collage. Because I don't want everyone I know staring at me while I'm in bed.


Penny did make the cut, though, because she's just too cute to exclude. Otherwise the pics are from our Lake Superior adventures, around our yard and neighborhood (the egret is in there!), and from our honeymoon in Hawaii.


THIS is the frame, probs one of my all-time favorites.

Finished projects I have previously neglected to share

Yay! We've lived in our house for almost four years and I'm almost done decorating it! When I am done, I'll surely want to REDO it, but we'll cross that bridge....

This project wins for Heaviest Thing I've Ever Made.


Also, I hope it's legal. Is Lake Superior considered a National Park or a Natural Reserve or anything like that? Because when my family drove to California and visited the Petrified Forest National Park when I was like 11, I definitely remember being told that taking pieces of petrified tree out of the park was BIG TROUBLE. Felony, probably. I don't remember the Grand Tetons, or basically anything of our zigzag between Utah and Iowa, because I was sleeping, but I remember not wanting to go to prison. The *funny* thing is that I think we bought a hunk of petrified tree in some gift shop.

Anyways, since we travel up to the "north shore" every summer and stay right on the lake, I've been....liberating....some of the small stones by bringing them home. Add one frame with a backing, some white paint, a small piece of driftwood, and lots of E6000 and you have a sweet Lake Superior homage. Or, at the very least, a weapon for when someone breaks in.

NEXT, I've hung this monstrosity in the dining room and it is a grand display of just some of our loved ones. And Justin Morneau.


It measures about 45" square and displays 49 of our own photos touched up and cropped. Each one is float-mounted and raised on a mat backing, which was not an easy feat considering it's heavy and I don't have my beloved professional supplies. Adhesive-wise, it would have been easier to cut openings for the pics, but I don't ever want to be responsible for making 196 cuts in a mat without making a mistake.


Plus, this way the photos have a nice shadowy look. The frame was purchased on the cheap long ago whilst I was still at the frame shop and it sat around the house waiting for a purpose in life until last fall when hubs had an epiphany. Thus was born the photo collage.


Between the frame, glass, mat, spacers, and photo prints I think I probably spent less than $70. If I had taken my pics to have them framed at a shop, I'm sure it would have been at least $250. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't give them business, because we love them and totally appreciate their knowledge and skills, but I enjoy doing this at home. Another collage is in the works for the bedroom, featuring more scenic pictures, but I'm slow on the uptake because these beasts are kind of, well, beasty.

Thoughts

Dr. MLK, Jr. says....


"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." (found quoted from Feministing)

"Everybody can be Great… Because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace - A soul generated by love." (found quoted from Freshness Factor Five Thousand)

2009 was way better than 2008, so 2010 should be pretty awesome

I'm not doing a New Year's post, but here's my favorite one...

The Bloggess and I are totally on the same page about germs and New Year's resolutions, but not about lipstick.

All-Bernard Christmas Disco Extravaganza!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I don't know what happened to Penny's mouth.

I'm disturbing this blog rut with another ridiculous creation

$1988. Ridiculous, but fabulous.

If I were a solid-gold dancer. by Theresa 'Orr' Bernard featuring Donna Karan

SO MUCH FUN!

Seriously, check out this website for some awesome, time-wasting awesomeness.

Greenie by Theresa 'Orr' Bernard featuring Burberry bags

This is how I do it

My first decorated cake is literally a "wreck"

Yesterday we had a baby shower for our friend Kim; it was officially the first gathering at the house sans family. We had a great time talking about babies and birthing and whatnot.

I love hosting things because I can indulge my organizational chakra and play event planner without the crazy demands of a bride or other such paying party. This time I wanted to do a carrot-riding babies carrot cake, a la Cake Wrecks. I was delighted to find the exact baby figures at JoAnn, and had planned on picking up a carrot cake at the bakery. But the places I talked to either didn't have carrot cakes with the frosting carrots on top or they had just had a sale on carrot cakes and were out. Blerg! So I made my own:



A wonderful young woman at the Cub Foods bakery sold me a couple tubes of frosting that she colored and then showed me how to make the carrots. As it turns out, it's not that hard. Sure, my weak little hands made the carrots come out kind of squwiggly, but they look more authentic that way, right? The hardest part was sprinkling/throwing the chopped walnuts at the cake to get them to stick to the sides. Then I just had to add the babies: