Egret Effects

For when you lose one mitten.

2012-02-09T13:44:00.000-06:00

Aaaand when you don't care what your baby's mittens look like ...

Cut the sleeves off an old baby outfit that has cuffs and sew the top shut. Add a little fleece liner if you want to be fancy about it.

Cat-dog gets a new bed.

2012-02-07T21:15:00.000-06:00

So about 15 years ago, my mom had this grand scheme to teach me how to sew by helping me make a tshirt quilt. We got a large piece of fleece for the backing and cut out rectangles from all the tshirts I had acquired in junior and senior high school (summer camps, school spirit events, badminton team - that kind of thing). Then we threw all these pieces into plastic bags to save for when we'd have more time to work on the project.

I *may* still have the tshirt scraps in the bag stashed under the basement stairs. Stupid depression-era rationale all running in the family and ruining any chance any of us has at ever being tidy, normal people.

But wait! I knew I saved that stuff for a reason (other than my mom never letting me forget it if I had done something drastic and recycled it all).

I took a cheapo pillow and used some of the fleece to make Penny a bed for the living room. My hope was that she'd take the reasonable opportunities to get in my lap (i.e. when it's empty) and STOP trying to take non-opportunities (i.e. when I'm on the laptop while feeding the baby). I mean, a nice cozy pillow bed is way better than someone constantly shoving you aside so your ears, eyes, and fur don't get scratched, gouged, or yanked.

What will I do with the rest of the fleece? I'll recycle it. There was a problem with that whole "measure twice, cut once" thing.

Drawings 48 and 49.

2012-01-31T20:06:00.000-06:00

Trouble is, the sun was an afterthought and I put it in the wrong place according to the shadows I had already drawn.

Nobody looks good in a crystal ball.

Drawings 46 and 47.

2012-01-24T20:27:00.001-06:00

Who puts hammers in a bag?

Almost no one. That's why there are like three Google images. Although this is apparently the title of a movie that came out last year.

Aaaand, here's something delicious:

My beans would be of the lemon-lime variety, obviously.

Drawings 44 and 45.

2012-01-20T21:15:00.000-06:00

Is anyone else confused about how juice containers can claim that they're "100% juice," but also "from concentrate?"

I don't get it. Also, I don't get all those juice flavors people seem to like. Fruit punch, cranberry, strawberry kiwi, raspberry pineapple ... gross. Berries are SO INCREDIBLY GROSS.

If it's not apple juice, orange juice, lemonade, or Ecto Cooler I am out.

Actually pretty proud of my jar of pennies with all the tiny, blob-like presidents.

Drawing 43.

2012-01-19T22:14:00.000-06:00

I guess my strands aren't long enough.

You can bet if my drawing were in color they would be BLUE AND ORANGE!

Drawing 42.

2012-01-16T21:59:00.000-06:00

Mmk. I'm still trying to figure out the scanner, but here is the first in a series of catch-up drawings:

There is a wealth of fantastic Google images of synchronized swimmers - some seriously impressive, and others ... well ...

I didn't realize my drawing would need to portray such painful and frightening drama.

New favorite craft: gift card holder.

2011-12-30T21:52:00.000-06:00

It's the gift that says, "I didn't know what to get you!" Unless the gift card is what they put on their wishlist, and if that's the case then you're welcome, mom.

I finally found a use for the piece of red and silver double-sided paper I've been saving for who knows how long. Ever since that time I went to the scrapbooking store because I had a coupon and ended up buying nine other things. That one time.

I cut the festive cardstock so that it would fit in a necklace box and I could wrap it like a real present. Then I punched holes in it for the ribbon and button closure. The inside ends of the ribbon and button thread are hidden by the white insert, the edges of which I brushed with a powder-blue ink using a sponge. Then I stamped a line of snowmen in the same blue ink and drew over parts of each one with a clear sparkle pen.

The card itself is held in by pocket made of the same double-sided paper. You can follow this template and just use your own dimensions and omit the top flap. Rounded top corners make it look nicely finished. The only potential trouble was in getting the margins around the white insert to remain even as the envelope is folded shut. Cutting the white paper *just* shorter than the red/silver helped.

File it under "Projects that are pretty quick, pretty cheap, and pretty cute."

I MADE A QUILT! AND IT'S FANTASTIC!

2011-12-28T21:55:00.000-06:00

Yes! I finished it! The day after Christmas on my shiny new Brother sewing machine that Hubs gave me.

If you don't count the new sewing machine, which I don't, I literally spent $0 on this quilt. The only thing I didn't have was batting, but I decided to skip it because I doubt my machine (old or new) would be able to go through it. The myriad clothing patches on the front and sweatshirt knit on the back make a nice weight, and it's super soft.

Somehow - I really don't know how - it turned out beautifully. I ironed a total of two seems, did very little measuring, and was working mostly with stretchy fabrics that I don't know how to handle. Yet the blanket is quite square, the perfect size, and I had just the right amount of fabric lying around for the backing and contrast strips. It was meant to be.

Hung with care. Hanged with care?

2011-12-16T15:09:00.000-06:00

I think I've just discovered that "Twas the Night Before Christmas" is grammatically inaccurate.

Well, crafting apocalypse or no, I had to finish A's stocking. It is nearly as large as he. Which, by the way, is huge. I was looking at his growth charts and he's almost seven inches longer than when he was born five months ago. SEVEN. INCHES.

Boom. Once again, I have a project that proves I might benefit from a little planning in my life. There's ... a lot going on. But I like the size and shape and I'd use the pattern again.

The largest of our stockings, A* will probably come to believe that means he should get more stuff in it. Sorry, dude.

I was going to put a red felt "A" on it, because they all have some sort of graphic element, but a baby just doesn't need a scarlet letter on his stocking. I probably should have gone without the big white stripe then, but by the time I decided to forgo the "A" it was already done. So the tree (conveniently shaped much like an "A") was made of felt and ribbon.

*Referring to August as "A" is going to get confusing, isn't it?

Crafting apocolypse?!

2011-12-08T21:43:00.001-06:00

Not yet. But I fear the end is nigh.

Ok, that's probably not true. It's just the knitting thing isn't working out right now. I think - I'm not really sure.

See, my hands are in real rough shape right now due to allergies. In fact, my allergies and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary of getting to know each other. It's a roller coaster relationship. Every time they come back - swearing they'll be nicer and won't drink as much - I'm all "here we go again," and I try kicking them to the curb with tubes of hydrocortizone and other such topicals. But they just keep reappearing. I work with them, and they follow me to shopping malls, restaurants, friends' houses ... and they hide out in my own house, too. I need a restraining order.

Anyways: yarn. I know all the ingredients of my Seventh Generation products because it is a good company that isn't all wrapped up in crazy legal hoo-ha like claiming a list of ingredients is "proprietary." Well, Tide, your precious property was keeping me up at night itching the backs of my knees.

ANYWAYS ... yarn. I do not know the exact ingredients of any of the yarns I use. How do you even go about finding such information? Obviously the label says "wool" or "cotton" or "acrylic" and so forth, but what kinds of substances might be added in the processing and shipping of the yarn? I don't know, and the internet (I can't believe I'm saying this) has failed me. If the internet cannot solve this for me, my life and entire college education is meaningless.

Is the yarn of A's stocking irritating my digits? I can't just stop making it, so tonight I did something totally nerdy and very annoying - I knit with rubber gloves on.

It could probably hold an apple and a few candy canes.

2011-11-12T21:28:00.000-06:00

The stocking is officially underway.

My sister and I always got an apple or an orange in the bottom of our stockings. A new toothbrush, too. And candy. Little foil-wrapped Santas and gold coins, a candy-cane tube of red and green M&Ms if we were really lucky. And then some kind of small wrapped gift on top - a CD or movie tickets.

In my family we would always open gifts on Christmas Eve, but the stockings were reserved for Christmas morning and it was probably the one day of the year we were allowed to eat candy at/for breakfast. I hope August has the same good memories I do. But not the cavities ...

HandmadeMN Fall Market 2011: the goods.

2011-11-09T21:30:00.001-06:00

I have been terribly remiss in keeping my Egret Effects Etsy shop going since the schnooglefritz was born, and there was no way I could have gotten myself together to be a vendor at the latest market - but that's ok. I went, I browsed, and I purchased.

There were many, many things I wanted. But I went with useful items and am very pleased. I only have a picture of one of the items and it borders on too much info, but the cute fabric you see here is what my new nursing pads look like! And they are awesome and that is all I will say.

I also got another wet bag to keep in the diaper bag for dirty clothes and such. It is also awesome. If I may rant about baby products for a moment, not all wet bags are created equal. The ones from certain large retailers are ok, and those are the ones we registered for, but if you *accidentally* put them in the dryer the plastic lining might crack or get a hole in it because it's cheap plastic. The one we got as a gift from a friend's co-op has the same lining as my new one - much nicer and sturdier, yet somehow more pliable.

I really wanted to indulge in something for myself, but I resisted. The Wild Dog Studio booth kept beckoning ... love her silver stuff.

The quilt pieces.

2011-11-07T21:14:00.000-06:00

In my last post about the quilt I'm making, I ... was too boozed-up to include a picture. The pieces are all different sizes depending on the article of clothing they came from, so there will be lots of trimming. And then lots of sewing and measuring and possibly swearing. We shall see.

I think this is my first boozy post.

2011-11-04T22:13:00.000-05:00

Aaaaand hopefully the last. But I recently realized that since the baby sleeps for like nine hours every night, I could've been having a drink before bed this whole time! For like the last month! Scheisse, my kid is awesome. Sailor Jerry!

I also recently realized that it's been a while since I've attempted to craft something I have no idea how to do and will probably fail at. So I'm making a quilt! I'm pretty sure I've already messed it up. I asked hubs the other day if he wanted to see what I was working on, and he was all "do I have to," and I was like "yes." I showed him how I had laid out the pieces of fabric I cut from old baby clothes that were too stained for my very fashionable infant to wear, and he was all "I think those pieces are way too small." Of course they're small; they're from baby clothes. Thanks for the excitement and encouragement dude.*

I'm going to have to buy batting, but other than that I'm going to try not to spend ANY money on this project. For one thing, Augs does not need another blanket. Also, it might end up being a disaster. Also, using whatever I have around makes me feel like some sort of handy pioneer woman. Like when I needed something really long to reach the cobwebs at the ceiling of our stairwell and I duct-taped the Swiffer to the broom handle. Make do, that's what I always say.

*Hubs is encouraging. And in all fairness, I am totally doing this wrong.

Does it count as crafting if you do it all online?

2011-10-20T20:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it's creative, right?

So we have this sweet alphabet book made by Auntie Becky and I recently decided to make one of a different variety, because I am addicted to Shutterfly.

I've been having fun coming up with the objects I'll take pictures of August with to represent each letter, and the other day I did our first test shots. This is probably my favorite: F is for Frame...

He was not as pleased. Another preview: Y is for Yarn...

Of course.

Three months.

2011-10-09T17:23:00.000-05:00

I'm knitting, I swear!

2011-10-05T11:12:00.000-05:00

Sometimes while I'm feeding the baby. Wrong? Maybe. Efficient? Yes. Other things I do while feeding the baby: watch TV, blog, play games on my phone, feed myself.

I knit a security blankie for a friend's baby but forgot to take any pictures, and I'm still working on August's stocking. Stay tuned.

Happy Christmas?

2011-09-15T19:34:00.000-05:00

It wouldn't be if I hadn't remembered that I need to make my baby a stocking. It would've been real sad to hang my stocking, hubs's stocking, and Penny's stocking and then fill them with candies only to realize I missed the opportunity to add one more vessel of sweet holiday excuses. This - not the pressure to get out greeting cards or the idea of potentially having to drive through a blizzard because we've run out of butter after just one batch of spritz - would ruin Christmas. That or my arrest after I *lose it* at work because I've heard Vince Guaraldi's (Charlie Brown's) "Christmas Time is Here" one too many times.

This is the classic pattern I'm using from Patons. We'll see how different mine looks...

Two months.

2011-09-11T15:54:00.002-05:00

Drawings 40 and 41.

2011-08-29T17:52:00.001-05:00

Another horrible picture of more *totally awesome* drawings.

In defense of the hideousness of my tulip, I'd like to mention that I hate tulips. As much as you can hate a flower. They're just always all "I bet we can sprout and bloom before any of you other slow-poke flowers this spring! Just like last year and every year since we were genetically altered to do so!* Ha ha!" Geez. No, I prefer more humble flora who take their time. Like moss roses. Specifically orange.

There are a lot of different kinds of gold medals, so mine is just as valid as any. I chose to use this one as a comparison because I thought it funny that for some reason, even though the image is clearly a likeness of the Dalai Lama, I thought it was Michael Caine at first.

*I don't know that they've been genetically altered. Hasn't everything?

Is it that time of year already?

2011-08-23T12:21:00.004-05:00

August (the month) is more than half over and the stores have fully merchandised their back-to-school supplies. August (the baby) is six weeks old and has changed a lot since he was born. I shant go into a litany of his isn't-my-baby-amazing developmental feats, but I will remark simply that it's fascinating to think of how much he'll change in yet another month. Kids will be making use of their newly sharpened number twos and my baby will be smiling and probably potty trained and I'm sure I'll be dusting off my long underwear as the temperature begins to dip below 60 degrees.

I'm reflecting on this because the coming cooler seasons conjure the image of knitting and watching the latest television programming and snuggling under a blanket. Whether or not this vision of coziness is attainable with a small being under foot, I'm feeling like making plans for all the knits I'd like to make.

True, I have not picked up any knitting in the last two months. But I do want to get moving on August's giraffe and maybe I'll make him a little pilot hat. At the very least I'd like to spend hours and hours on Ravelry searching for and saving patterns for sweaters and toys and socks and all kinds of assorted goodies that I'll never get to - but, like knitting in front of our gas fireplace with the TV on and a mug of cocoa beside me, it's nice to think about.

Also nice to think about: greenness. Trees and grass and all the lovely green things of summer are still here and I love it. Strange to think about: if you live in the southern hemisphere Christmas is in the summer.

Drawings 37-39.

2011-08-14T18:45:00.001-05:00

I don't have a lot to say about these other than that my submarine is far superior to real submarines.

I'm opening a doggie spa. $75/hour doggie massage.

2011-08-12T10:20:00.002-05:00

Drawings 34-36.

2011-08-10T22:20:00.001-05:00

Get ready for more drawings; they're the easiest creative thing to get done around here, unless you count bouncing your entire body around to sooth a baby while also bending over so as not to spill a third cup of dog food all over the floor, because both creatures are ravenous but only one needs to complete its morning routine of going directly outside after eating lest it poop on said floor. Don't judge me for feeding the dog before the child; you wouldn't want to clean up the waste of two dependents either.

So. Somehow I found it easier to take pictures of the next several installments rather than scan them, which resulted in poor images. I guess I was going to be uploading pictures anyways and the drawings might actually look *better* this way, all fuzzy and washed out.

That dude is surprisingly happy for not having his head in the clouds so much as being hanged by the clouds.

Yeah, that's a balloon.

Ahhh, real art.*

Honestly? I actually think this is a decent pencil drawing of something TOTALLY UN-DRAWABLE.

* I wish I could credit the artist but I can't because, as you know, I get all these comparison photos from Google Images and this photo is linked to someone else's blog and it's not credited there. Soooo, I'm passing the buck. Take THAT journalism school!

One month.

2011-08-09T21:29:00.001-05:00

The Onion really is an accurate news source.

2011-07-28T20:01:00.001-05:00

Firstly, let's all knock on wood several times.

Ok. I haven't had a panic attack in a long while. Although I did get pretty anxious on the tour of the labor and delivery unit, and that's what prompted me to do this post on a 2009 article from The Onion. I was going to do it before the birth in anticipation of totally freaking out and losing my mind as I spent hours and hours in slow labor, but it turns out that super fast and intense labor doesn't leave you time or energy to freak out and lose your mind. So that's good.

I cut out the article two years ago and saved it in case I ever had to describe a panic attack to someone, which has not happened and even if it had I don't think I want to start collecting newspaper clippings. I know hubs doesn't want me to start collecting newspaper clippings. So I scanned it before realizing you can just read the article online. Whatever. Now I can throw it away and you'll all know what's wrong with me when I'm facing some sort of child-related crisis.

Finn's first.

2011-07-25T13:15:00.000-05:00

One of the benefits of "popping" out August a little early is that I was then able to attend Finn's first birthday!

Check out his cute shirt made by his mommy!

0 months?

2011-07-22T18:07:00.000-05:00

Love these stickers we got from Auntie Becky that you put on a onesie every month to document the first year. "Zero months" doesn't really make sense to me, but I just do what the stickers tell me. I guess I should have stuck it on him the day he was born, but I'm a couple weeks late. I've been busy sitting around.

I haven't made anything lately (surprise!), but *technically* I spent the last nine months creating a human. Also an entirely new, disposable organ. The nurse showed us the placenta. It was cool, but not as cool as the human.

Huh. Didn't expect to give birth the next day.

2011-07-15T11:41:00.008-05:00

When I posted last, I was 38 weeks and one day and thinking, "gee, I feel like this baby might be early." And then he was born. Here is a short account for those who like to hear about births. The rest of you can gawk at this picture and just imagine that the angels sang a chorus and we were spontaneously transported to the hospital where he just appeared in the bassinet next to my bed.

August Robert Bernard was born at 1:11 pm on Saturday, July 9, 2011. I had woken up to pee at 4:30 am that day, but something was a little different from the usual mid-night run. Sure enough, half an hour later I was contracting. For some reason I was not convinced this was it. By 6:00 or so I was not a happy camper - yet still not convinced. Meanwhile, hubs knew what was going on and got into full I-better-get-as-ready-as-possible gear. He was setting up the bassinet, cleaning the kitchen, tidying the dining table, somehow all while comforting me as I began to writhe every few minutes.

By 8:00 I decided that we needed to go to the hospital even though I feared getting there and being told this was just false labor or that we should've stayed home because it would several more hours before anything important started happening. I wasn't sure that I could endure several more hours of this, or believe that "real" labor might be harder. And so I made my delirious way to the car, although now I have no recollection of how I was able to manage it.

I had been imaging how this car ride would go for a couple of weeks and figured I would be berating hubs for hitting too many bumps and making my whole achy belly jiggle. In fact, I noticed zero bumps - I only knew that I was undoubtedly going to explode and FINALLY I embraced that this is happening.

There was only one moment of bickering, and it was over where to park. Really, it was just that hubs was going to park in the ramp as we had planned and it was very suddenly clear to me that I would not make it from the ramp to the ER. Indeed, as I walked the ten yards from our metered car spot to the doors, I was wondering what would happen if I just collapsed in the driveway. I didn't though.

Fast forward through almost passing out at check-in and being wheeled up to labor and delivery triage... the nurses got me on a gurney and started doing stuff. I don't know what, but it was all just a horrible way to torture me while denying me the drugs I always said I'd *try* to do without but now desperately needed. Check number one: 4 cm. Check number two about 30 minutes later: 10 cm.

Suddenly they were all, "let's get her to a room!" But they didn't know which because there had been no time to plan. We stopped in a few doorways before settling on a room. The hurry to get me into a delivery bed was quite cinematic. And then I proceeded to push for four hours.

I think there are a few reasons for this... 1) we hadn't had a chance to call anyone and my mom and sister needed time to get there; 2) like so many first-timers, I had to figure out how to push when it was both the last and first thing I wanted to do; and 3) it had all gone so fast and was so intense that my body was already wrecked - it was definitely what they call "back labor." Which means unbearable, hip-bursting excruciatingness.

I won't detail the actual delivery, but will say that I did feel it all. At many times during the process I thought, "I'm never doing this again," and other such dramatic beliefs that trauma induces. I'm not taking it back so far, as you can clearly see that I have not yet achieved the forgetting they talk about.

When August came out, they put him on me and the only thing I remember thinking was that I've never felt anything so soft. There were cheers from the room. My head was otherwise white noise. He didn't cry, he just looked around like, "well, here I am." And he was so soft. Apologies for the ridiculous mushiness, but suddenly my existence meant something totally different than what I'd ever known, because a human being was made. From nothing. I'm still trying to understand.

Stats:
7 pounds, 8 ounces
19 1/2 inches long
14 inch head cir.

Six days later we've come home and are doing all the things new parents do, and August is just doing his little baby things. Except for rolling over. He totally rolled from his front to his back at five days old.

38 weeks yesterday.

2011-07-08T11:17:00.000-05:00

And here I am at the pool the day before with my sister's kids - Maxie using the "profundity of my rotundity"* as a nice place to rest.

*Quoted from an actual statement made by hubs on an earlier occasion when he ran into me because he had underestimated my new size.

The room is totally ready to not be used for like two months.

2011-07-06T20:25:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is 38 weeks! Translation: every moment becomes a waiting game. When will the real contractions start? Will I ever stop having night sweats? Am I ready for child-birth (um, no. Duh.)? Am I ready for parenthood? From a planning standpoint, perhaps. BEHOLD! The place where the child will eventually sleep but who knows when:

I admit that I might get real sick of green and yellow, but overall the room is a pleasant place to be. I can only hope the nugget feels the same. Because I'm not redecorating anything based on the whims of an infant. Unless he's going to help me make new pillows, curtains, chair cushions, and wall art. I hope he's a grateful baby. And a quiet one. And a clean one. Oh, God.

Apparently I never posted about the recovered chair cushions, or the last two pillows, or the wall hoops. So here are a few detail pics of that madness:

The chair *before* in all its pink, straw-textured glory...

The chair *after*...

Victory is mine! Seriously never thought I could pull off something like this with limited sewing knowledge and a tendency to rush through things. I did have some good advice though. The pillows...

Love making pillows. So easy and fast; and I'm going to keep making more and more because I've always wanted to have a "pillow room." Hubs knows this. It will probably be located under the basement stairs someday and I will lounge in there with snacks and a book and make people answer riddles if they must knock on my door. And finally, the embroidery hoops made with fabric scraps from the pillows and the crib bumper...

So I used two of the four crib bumper pieces between the hoops and the pillows. Now that I guess I've officially started "sewing," I'm wondering what to do with the rest. But really it'll probably be another five years before I sew anything again.

I get a lot of weird looks at the brewing supply store.

2011-07-04T21:46:00.003-05:00

Cause I look like this:

Actually, people stare at me a lot no matter where I go. Creepy. Here's another angle for you:

You're welcome. That's from 36 weeks, which was actually a week and a half ago so now I'm *technically* full term. Wowza. Why would a lady giant with child be at a brewing supply store? Because hubs is crafty, too!

He's been brewing beer at home for maybe a year, sometimes with buddies who also work for the government - so they've named their endeavors "Red Tape Brewing." Eh? Eh? With that type of cleverness they could be journalists.

This is what's been creeping up the side of our house, trying to get in and fill our air with hoppy beer smell. Fitting that I should post this on July 4th; Independence Day. Poor hops have nothing left to climb, but hopefully they'll still yield enough flowers to get a batch out of.

Hubs has brewed his own recipe a few times with, I think, excellent results. I'm no connoisseur, having been out of the beer-drinking loop for the better part of a year, so perhaps any sip that hits my lips is like a sweet, sweet college memory. But really, I think it's just pretty good beer. And this is why I bring up the beer-craftiness going on in my house:

KEGERATOR. Built from a freezer, a home-made wooden tap collar, and whatever else goes into making kegs operate. I don't know. There's pressurization and tubes and the whole beer-making process is actually quite scientific and that's why I don't participate. I just go to the store and endure the glances of all the people who are hoping that they don't need to be judging me and if any of them talk to me they'll find that I have not been involved in any kind of unhealthy boozing behavior but that I do look forward to being able to have a beer once in a while. Except when that time comes I'll probably opt for a margarita.

Sm'Orr shower craftiness.

2011-07-01T22:01:00.002-05:00

Once again I have to recognize my family for their generosity and general brilliance. My mom and sister threw us a shower last weekend, which was at my house and I totally recommend this because then you don't have to load all the stuff into the car to get it home. Here are the handmade gems bestowed:

It strikes me as very odd that our baby's room and some of his accessories have a bee theme - because what is scarier to a kid than bees? I guess the doctor. But bees are pretty scary. Regardless, illustrated bees are usually cute and so the theme remains and my mom cross-stitched one on a onesie. She also cross-stitched the Twins emblem without a pattern. Pretty impressed.

Every kid needs a blankie or three. You never know which one(s) they'll attach themselves to, but having a Patt-made blankie is a special tradition. Our friend has made one for all three of my sister's kids and, in fact, is making a new one for Laura because hers is just a tangle of threads at this point. So we must treasure the beauty of this knitting before it is bitten, yanked, spilled on, and generally loved to death.

Patt also made these super cute booties. You would think she weren't traveling the world for work or taking care of her own house and dog. Geez.

And my cousin Amelia, who is 13 (I think), knit this little blankie! Adorable; she probably spent hours and hours on this and I never even see her! But apparently she's getting a "babysitting license" this summer so that's going to have to change.

Becky outdid herself again by creating this amazing alphabet book out of a fabric letter set and a bunch of quilting prints. It's bound with just a ring and grommets. Chewable, droppable, throwable. She has pics of all the pages on her blog and they're worth checking out.

Aunt Dorothy did this cozy bear quilt. She couldn't make it to the shower but was very sweet to send something. She's been crafting for years and years and has done countless shows. I didn't realize she was a seamstress because I'm more familiar with her floral designs, but there you have it. Multi-talented.

And this one isn't from my family shower - it's from a shower with "the planner ladies:" the folks who got to know hubs while he was in grad school and/or their wives. Heidi, a domestic inspiration, sewed this plushy ball somewhere between caring for two young kids, recovering from cancer treatments, and probably making tortillas from scratch. She'd be an amazing women if she did half as much.

So I'm feeling a lot of love and support and am so grateful for the Bernard, Gray, and Orr families - plus all our friends who've been cheering us on all this time.

Stay tuned for the alien tentacles AND.....the nursery reveal!

Special people.

2011-06-29T15:59:00.000-05:00

In the early years of high school I would come home everyday to a house devoid of parents for a few hours and could lounge at the television or computer at complete ease. In the summers, even the later ones when I had a part-time job, I had so much time on my hands that I now have no idea what I did with it all.

NOW summers are always filled before they begin and I wonder if this is different in regions where residents get more than a few months of good outdoor time. For us, the last half of June is *ridiculously* busy. In a good way except that I'm actually sick of eating cake.

June 14: Flag Day. Also the day Minneapolis was hit by a history-making tornado, which happened the same year that hubs was born. Here he is in all his adorableness:

This might also be a glimpse into our child's future. Hubs is my stability and also my insanity. Seriously, he drives me crazy sometimes. But his obsessiveness about certain things are a good balance to my carelessness, and vice versa. Most of the time he's actually keeping me sane. I'm trying to figure out how to impress upon him that he'll need to step it up a notch when the baby's here because my mental state at that point might end up where the unlucky Price is Right mountain climber goes.

June 19: Laura's birthday. Seven. Seven! Second grade?! She is loving, dramatic, and impatient. Sometimes she surprises you with her logic - sometimes her lack of logic. She wears her heart on her sleeve and she wants to be a teacher.

June 19: Sarah's birthday. She's the pig on the right. We've been besties for most of our lives so she knows all my secrets. She's actually the reason I wanted to do this post (even though I planned on posting it much sooner). See, she always has terrible awful horrible birthdays. To the point where you wouldn't even believe it if I told you. And this is sad because she is so passionate and open-minded and FUN! So we had a little date the day before her birthday and I think it was actually a good one. Nobody broke up or didn't show - and nobody showed who shouldn't have. No parties were ruined and I'm pretty sure no tears were cried. SUCCESS! And part of birthdays/holidays is celebrating special people, so this post was born.

Also June 19: Father's Day. My dad is hilarious. He gets me. He would do anything for me. He makes the best beef stroganoff in the world. Also the best ribs. He's the kind of dad they made Father's Day for (unless you're a cynic and believe it's just a holiday for retailers to capitalize on - shut up, just let me have this!).

June 21: Missy's birthday. I don't have a picture because I was planning on taking one at the pool party but it rained. Boo. So I wasn't able to hang out but heard it was one of her top birthdays. She's another lady who's had some rough times but deserves a good, solid, awesome birthday. Karma says rain can't stop a good birthday.

June 30: Grandma's birthday. Rounding out the month is an 89-year-old woman who loves double impatiens, Christmas cookies, and my dog. Seeing a family member grow old is not pleasant, but she still has moments of laughter and ease. She's excited to meet the baby, and I've been hoping he'll have similar memories of his grandma to my memories of mine. Sleepovers, grilled cheese, cinnamon raisin toast, watching old shows (for us it was Dick Van Dyke and My Three Sons).

Sheets and sheets of Christmas cookies.

This is why I've been neglecting the blog, but I can't use it as an excuse as to why I've been neglecting my dog.

2011-06-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

I can't upload pictures unless I undo the hard drive connected to the desktop and hook it up to the laptop or get the freaking desktop TO JUST WORK. I've been too lazy to do the former and every time I try the latter I get the blue screen of death. So I can't share any of my fantastic new pictures of my belly, the baby room, or the tentacle trying to work its way into the house through a window moulding to use me as its alien voice box.

Someone is going to pay for this. Probably me. Like $1000 for a new computer that does what it's supposed to do. At some point you can expect the longest post ever written or a whole bunch of posts in one day that will catch us all up. In the mean time, I'll be nesting.

As for the dog, she's fine. I've just spent the last two days having a garage sale with my sister and if I had the dog with me she would just be annoying and I'd end up letting people swindle me even more and she'd probably pick a fight with my sister's dog who is a giant beast. So, you're welcome, Penny.

Drawings 29-33.

2011-06-14T13:42:00.002-05:00

First, the "real" things.

Nature's vampire. Searching for an image gave me a shiver.

His name is Cap'n Thrice.

Honestly, is there anything appetizing about this?

Yup, it's a spigot.

Now, my "interpretations."

My mosquito wants YOU to join... Meanwhile, at least my fruit cocktail lacks the watery, sickly, pickly colors. I guess I was thinking of Captain Ron when I drew my pirate's hair. I got a little distracted with the pirate and almost ran out of room to draw the actual peg leg. Nobody cares about the dumb spigot.

And one more:

I've always liked a bird's eye view when it comes to drawing. Someday I'll share my house plans.

Rollercoaster Tycoon! Never played it myself.

Drawing 28. I'm a little ashamed, but a little more proud.

2011-06-09T20:41:00.001-05:00

If you care to click on the drawing to enlarge it, you'll see that my nerdery reached a *ridiculous* level just five days ago. I've been slowly coming down ever since and I anticipate an epic crash into intellectualism on or around Tuesday.

Not familiar with Futurama or it's loveable drunk robot Bender? It is another of Matt Groening's gifts to the world. So I can't take any creative credit for this. I ripped off everything. From memory, with only one mistake.

Technically, Bender's most frequently uttered words are:
10. Chump
9. Chumpette
8. Yours
7. Up
6. Pimpmobile
5. Bite
4. My
3. Shiny
2. Daffodil
1. Ass

So I mixed up #7 and #8 and I really thought they just alluded to #1. So two (tiny) mistakes. Hence the shame.

Who can describe a scene/episode that involves one of Bender's accessories? Let's ride this wave of nerdiness together, and meet up later to talk about books and philosophy and stuff.

Drawings 23-27.

2011-06-08T11:37:00.001-05:00

I think we can agree that this paperclip is the most accurate and the most boring drawing I will ever do. Moving on.

The trumpet might be more of a bugle than anything else. It seems to be lacking a lot of tubes and levers.

The burrito would be the second most boring drawing ever, except that it has brought us to this:

Bwahahaha! I love puppets, but what I love more than puppets is an animal that will allow me to manipulate it. I'd like to believe that even though there's a hand holding this burrito kitty, it's only to avoid a blurry picture and the kitty-seal really loves it. Lucky me, Penny lets me cradle her like a baby and loves to be under the covers with her head poking out. Still, all this might even be trumped by a child conducive to being dressed up and posed....

Which reminds me that I need to find some baby tube socks. I know they're out there because Google Images has pictures of them. What I shouldn't have been surprised by is that the majority of the results of an image search for tube socks are "sexy" pictures.

So I chose man legs. And a picture of some delicious, brand new crayons. Not that I'd eat them, but you know how fresh art supplies make life seem organized and clean and simple and pretty? I'm sure you do.

Delicious.

Baby room preview number, like, 65.

2011-06-06T09:21:00.001-05:00

Much of my crafting these days revolves around the baby room, naturally, so there will probably be 98 previews in total. Then get ready for years and years of crafts made for the child. If you're lucky - real lucky - I won't spend those years also posting every damn scribble the kid makes. We'll see.

Venturing once again into the world of sewing, I made this pillow out of remnants and one of the appliques that was on the crib bumper. I'm sure there are people who use crib bumpers because Carters keeps making bedding sets with them - but no one I know used one, what with everybody clucking about suffocation hazards. I'm getting a breathable one. Still, I paid for that padded bumper and I'm going to use it somehow!

Yellow gingham. It's what my blankie was made of, so I kind of love it. It will most definitely be used on another pillow.

The back is simply two fabrics that overlap for easy removal and cleaning. White with black polka dots and a scrap piece of green from the curtains. Very pleased, but here's a sewing machine question: why will my machine not thread a bobbin? I put the bobbin on there, loosen the wheely-thing, flip the bobbin winding lever over, and it still just tries to sew when I press the peddle. Bobbin does not turn. Boo.

I've also finished this ink drawing which will be part of a little wall collage. Hawaiian for "family," ohana* will be surrounded by photos of the baby's four first cousins: Laura, Sam, Max, and Finn.

COMING SOON! Lots of drawings.

*I do think Wikipedia's info is accurate, but it's funny that the first source listed is Lilo and Stitch.

"'Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." -Lilo

Crafty shower gifts: Part 1.

2011-06-05T09:19:00.001-05:00

Both sides of hubs's family gathered recently to celebrate my belly fruit in the traditional way. Gifts, games, and sugar. I know so many talented people - I must share here the handmade items we received that day.

Cousin Beth, of Silly Goose Designs, fashioned not only a crocheted blankie but also some onesies. Seen here: a Twins onesie with our last name and number 11 on the back (for the year of birth*) and a plain white onesie with suspenders and a necktie added. Not shown: a white onesie with a suit vest and tie added and another white onesie with an airplane applique.

Auntie Sue made a cozy blanket with some kind of magical fuzzy fleecy material with a satin binding. Finn LOVES this kind of thing and has approved the use of this blanket for his cousin.

Grandma Gray made a fantastic quilt with all sorts of print fabrics mixed with a cute giraffe fabric on one side and a cozy giraffe-hide flannel on the other. She makes quilting look easy. Amazing. It was paired with a conveniently matching musical stuffed giraffe. I'm just tickled by it all because I've been knitting a giraffe. I wasn't going for a giraffe theme, but apparently I'm not the only one who senses that the baby will like these majestic creatures.**

Becky (the hostess), made many things for the shower which resulted in a very cohesive and professional look. Seriously impressive. As favors, she had some shower elves*** fill bags with M&Ms and then top them with tags of her own design - made to coordinate with our crib bedding.

See? Very cohesive. The cake (Queen of Cakes) was topped with the cutest little banner that Becky made.

Another hostess creation: decoupaged blocks.

Cousin Kelly painted and glazed a cookie jar that reads, "thank heaven for little boys." Also in keeping with the baby room colors. Such attention to detail these people have.

Grandma B made a cart cover from some adorable fleece that says, "I [heart] grandma" all around these sweet, giant-headed bears. I know I'm a freak about germs, but come on. Think about all those carts in all those places people go even when they're sick. Cart cover. Boom.

So those are the handmade goodies I have pictures of, and I think there will be more to come.

*Maybe this is self-evident, but sometimes I need to have things explained to me. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant. Maybe not.
**Point of fact: giraffes have blood pressure twice that of the average large mammal. Also, their hearts can weight 22 pounds. Geez.
***Shower elves = Deanna, Rachel, Lauren, and Sue. More party planners extraordinaire!

Falling behind and catching up.

2011-06-04T19:36:00.002-05:00

Well, we're at 33 weeks but I never got around to posting the pictures we took at 31 weeks or 32 weeks. This has inspired a frightening conclusion: I've spent my whole adult life running 10-15 minutes late, so once I have a kid it'll probably be more like 20-30. I really don't want to be that person. I really don't. Where do those minutes go? To last-minute bathroom breaks, running back to the cupboard because you forgot snacks, strapping the kid in the car seat and then having to take them out to change a diaper because you don't want them sitting in poo for a 45-minute car ride...

And where have these weeks gone? Mostly to planning showers, shopping for baby room goods, and putting my suddenly swollen feet up.

Meanwhile, I've accumulated several projects that various people have asked me to do and successfully let them stew on the shelf for...I'm embarrassed to say...months. I guess you don't stew things on a shelf. They were put on the back burner. There. But as birth looms nearer, some instinct is telling me I can't have obligations plaguing my conscience! I must scrape extraneous tasks off my plate! So I've matted three pictures, repaired four pieces of jewelry, and made two new necklaces I've been meaning to get to.

This one has large green jasper beads courtesy of my mom.

Next: repairing sweaters and making baby-room pillows (because, you know - they always tell you to give an infant plenty of pillows).

Curtains!

2011-05-28T21:07:00.003-05:00

You thought I was crazy to tackle a sewing project while pregnant, right? Well, I was crazy. CRAZY GENIUS. And humble.

Actually, there was a large amount of luck involved. For example, whenever I mention that I don't know how to sew I'm also speaking of the fact that I don't really know how to operate the sewing machine. There are three dials on it and I don't know what any of them do. But I'm not a total idiot. I did a little test on some scraps to see how the stitches came out, and they came out great! So I did not touch the mysterious dials and proceeded in happy ignorance.

Boom.

The room feels like it's coming together because we've been on kind of a roll. Having spent the last few months in horrible "pain" from a foot surgery that conveniently allowed him to fry his brain with television and habitually ask me for a drink of water as soon as I would sit down, hubs finally got around to painting.*

And I finally got all my craft stuff into the craft room so we can actually set up the crib and whatnot. Yay!

* Looooove you!

Drawings 19, 20, 21, and 22.

2011-05-24T17:04:00.002-05:00

I'm just doing links instead of comparison pics of the pickle, ironing board, and dolphin because we all know what those things look like. Not like this.

- - - - - - -

"Fangs" is a little vague. I tried to go vampire with it - which is what Google Images has done (with the occasional dental illustration or Avril Levigne photo) - but then was disturbed by how the wrinkles in the lips look like hair so I tried again.

Mythical creatures are way easier to represent than reality. By reality I mean lips, not vampires. And by mythical creature I mean Frank. That's his name.

Heebie jeebies? Me, too.

31 weeks.

2011-05-21T21:50:00.000-05:00

Technically, we're at 31 weeks and 2 days.

Goings on:
This morning I'm pretty sure I was scratched on the inside.

I continue to eat copious amounts of sugar, but some of it is in the form of fruit so stop judging me.

The right side of my diaphragm (front and back) continues to be increasingly squished.

In a strange diversion from my normal doomsdayish thinking, I'm feeling like I'm going to KICK ASS at birthing this child.

On the other hand I'm uber sensitive about the welt of a blemish on my cheek that won't go away, the fact that I either bought the wrong size shoes or my feet are indeed swelling, and the way my ridiculous hair never does what I want and I'm starting to have crazed visions of doing something drastic - like cutting my own bangs or buying a wig.

Nine more weeks, give or take. Cripes. Totally not ready, but pretty excited. Also a little hungry.

Drawing 18 (2-for-1).

2011-05-15T15:03:00.005-05:00

My dog loves to eat bubbles. The soapy kind. She get's so excited that she'll take a lick or two out of the soap tray because she just can't wait to jump up and snap at those floating morsels of internal cleanliness.

On the other hand, she has never met a chimpanzee. She doesn't usually like it when other animals are bigger than her, and I don't think the now 28-year-old Bubbles would be in any mood for her shenanigans.

Drawing 17.

2011-05-15T14:36:00.006-05:00

Everywhere you look...

I couldn't remember the twins names! It's Alex and Nicky. I did try to portray accurate fashions, with Danny in a turtle neck and Uncle Jesse in a not-all-the-way-buttoned button-down. Seemed like the kind of thing he'd do. Also apparently the kind of thing he'd do:

Weird. Whoever had the idea for this promotional photo is weird. My guess is that it's the same guy who decided SkyMall should sell butt implants.

I didn't draw Kimmy or Steve because they didn't live in the house. Not that full. Also, how could I forget about vests?

Tell that to my bladder.

2011-05-03T20:34:00.005-05:00

I am not a fan of having my picture taken, but I'm told it's good to document important events - marriages, graduations, pregnancies, finishing that 32 oz. steak...*

So here I am at 28 weeks and five days.

And here I am pretending to do a warrior two pose. I wouldn't know because there aren't any mirrors in the yoga studio, but I'm *sure* I look way better in class. In any case, it's good to look silly anytime you can because if you ever plan on having kids it's best to just own it when you pretend to be a horsey. The only thing worse than pretending to be a horsey is pretending to be a horsey and looking mortified about it. That's just pathetic.

I asked hubs to take a picture of me depicting the pain I feel. I get daily comments on how tiny I am. Tell that to my bladder, bowels, ribs, hips, diaphragm, and solar plexus. I look tiny on the outside, but on the inside there's a dance party going on and given the swift sweeping movements that have been visible for several weeks now I'm pretty sure he's got turn tables in there. And possibly fly girls. I love it - but that doesn't mean I won't complain about it.

* Is there even such a thing as a 32 oz. steak?

Craft! Craft while you still can!

2011-05-01T19:48:00.000-05:00

This is what the voices tell me. There are just 12 weeks left.

Which reminds me - I went shopping for clothes and found A LOT of deals so I ended up in the dressing room for like an hour and somewhere in there I noticed that I'm really pregnant. Our little $15 dorm room mirror at home has not done me justice, but the store had huge mirrors unblemished with areas of distortion and cripes am I big. Not as big as I will be, but I still had to take a moment. Will I ever look like this again? Will I remember this when I'm old and have no idea what day it is? Do I fully appreciate the quiet calm of having an inside-baby?

Um, anyways. As expected, most of what I've been doing is in the drawing book because it indulges the crafty side and the lazy side. But I need to make curtains, I've started a stuffed giraffe, I'd like to start knitting a skirt for Laura's birthday, and I have made several thank-you notes to be used later on. They kind of follow the theme and colors of the baby room.

I love paper crafts. I love the smell of paper. So cards are some of my favorite things to make - especially because they are uber expensive to buy and I've already amassed a stockpile of supplies.

On the other hand, designing these things can take a lot of tries and it can still get expensive depending on embellishments. This is why I don't plan on making scrapbooks for this child or possibly for anything other than to add to books I've already started. Instead I plan on ordering custom digital books, which might not take any less time but will be less expensive. And they'll have that delicious paper and ink smell.

I'm making curtains. I might have gotten myself into a pickle.

2011-04-26T19:21:00.003-05:00

I need help. Not the pill kind; I already have that covered. My visionary skills, while lacking severely on the spacial front, are usually pretty good with colors n' stuff. But most of my projects don't involve the amount of math and thinking and general importance of this project.

I'm going to have to look at these curtains every day, so my main concern at this point is not messing them up. Later my concern that my two old and decrepit sewing machines might fail me will come into play. For now I'm pretty comfortable with my measurements and basic design - covering an area just larger than the window, the main portion will be vertical grey stripe with a smaller portion of solid green, separated by black grosgrain ribbon. But here's the question: does the green go on top or on bottom?

Please, please sparse friends, what do you think?

Drawings 13, 14, 15, and 16.

2011-04-15T20:43:00.003-05:00

I'm guessing it won't happen very often that I get to draw something that is a real, one-of-a-kind thing in my own little sphere of existence.

I have spoken many times about "the cabin." It's a magical place that I have almost no trouble drawing from memory. I'm too lazy to dig up one of our infamous check-out day family portraits out front, but rest assured this is the same cabin. The photo is from the lake side of the cabin, but if you were to walk around the corner to the right your eyes would fall upon my drawing.

-=-=-=-

I drew young shrubs.

The caption on this photo was "It's a shrubbery!" I thought "shrubbery" was plural or something, but this caption has me all confused. Are "shrubbery" and "shrubs" interchangeable? Shouldn't it just be "It's a shrub!"? Oh God, do I put the question mark inside the quotes as usual or does that just change the caption from an excited statement to an expletive query? GRAMMAR YOU ARE A WORTHY FOE!*

-=-=-=-

I especially like the mushroom on the right because it really depicts those tiny underside gills that make you feel like you're eating centipede legs.

Apparently this photo is of one variety of "magic" mushrooms."** I disagree. They probably still have centipede legs and there's nothing magical about that so now we're faced with a philosophical question: Do magic mushrooms exist?

-=-=-=-

Thank God this book doesn't give any instructions. That convenient fact has prevented me from literally desecrating a rather attractive and talented man.

Ok, the scrappy beard isn't the best thing that ever happened.

* Nerd.
** Pretty sure there has never been so many quotes in one blog post.

I wish I made this.

2011-04-14T16:31:00.003-05:00

There's a "Peeps Show" diorama contest every year and I wish I would remember to enter. Who doesn't love making dioramas? Ok, the Auschwitz one Megan and I made in junior high wasn't so much *fun* as it was *devastating.*

But then there's this. It's my favorite of the finalists. ANIMAL!!! Now taking suggestions for next year's entry.

Drawings 10, 11, and 12.

2011-04-12T20:51:00.003-05:00

Bam! Corkscrew. It's one of the teaser drawings on the cover of the book, so I had a teensy bit of help. I just couldn't figure out how the arms attach to the body.

Aaaaand then there's the fire escape. In the first 11 pages of Google Images, there is not one fire pole and now that I really think of it I guess they are not at all the same thing. But for whatever reason - maybe the intensity of my *awesome* corkscrew - my heart began to palpitate as I thought of drawing dozens and dozens of stairs against a charming building covered in hundreds and hundreds of bricks and I desperately latched onto the idea that a person could simply slide down a pole in a fire situation and that would be that.

Moving on...
Question A. What is a plankton?
Question B. How the hell do you draw luminescence?

Answer A. Guess.
Answer B. You don't. You draw superhero jazz around it and use editing software to apply a color to the whole page.

I could be wrong about this (if so, it has *nothing* to do with shoddy research and I curse Google Images for not being a reliable source!) but there seems to be a variety of plankton. So I chose a picture of one kind of close to mine. Ok, mine looks a little....um, like a sperm. But it's also more cuddly-looking. Like you wouldn't immediately shriek and pee yourself if you found one on your leg one day at the beach. I'm actually fairly certain that my luminescent, cuddly, superhero sperm-plankton is what Sugarhill Gang wrote Rapper's Delight about.

Drawing 9.

2011-03-29T21:03:00.005-05:00

The string quartet really did me in. Even giving myself 24 hours to recuperate, I could only manage this:

You can't see them, but there are buttons on the top. And it opens for blanket storage. And the fabric is real velour. It's actually way nicer than this one:

633 drawings left.

Drawing 8.

2011-03-28T11:07:00.005-05:00

Have I ever mentioned how awesome Google Images is? I'm finding that almost every time I go to look up "the real thing" to compare my drawings to, something wonderfully ridiculous greets me.

When I say ridiculous, I mean no disrespect to The Soldier String Quartet. After all, this photo was taken in 1989, and I feel confident in saying that we all regret something about 1989. I was only eight so I don't really remember regretting anything, but I'm sure it's there. Probably my thick, blunt-cut bangs.

I could only manage to do the one drawing for this post because it's rather involved and, as I've mentioned, people - with their annoyingly detail-heavy faces and impossible proportions - are not my thing.

A normal string quartet is a cello, a viola, and two violins. BORING! I celebrate the lost art of the hand harp.

Drawings 4,5,6, and 7.

2011-03-24T09:40:00.007-05:00

Bear with me, I had a very productive drawing day. Not necessarily successful, but certainly productive.

Ok, this was *kind of* successful, in a sort of surrealist way. Do I get credit for pulling out an antiquated style (thanks, grandma's estate sale!)? We have a chair similar to this one at our letter desk:

The skunk. Skunks are not attractive creatures, except for their cute button noses. Which is ironic.

You'll very soon see that if my illustrative skills have a downfall, it is the human form. Van Gogh's ear is just a teaser. It may also prove that my concept of lighting is slightly awry.

Just photoshop my drawing in and VOILA! Not really. But I did guess the correct ear. Although apparently Van Gogh did not chop off his own ear - the deed was done by a frenemy during a fencing match.

And now, just because it's creepy and true, here's a picture of a human ear scientists grew on the back of a naked mouse.

I actually consider this last one to be such a success that it's doesn't need an explanatory photo. You know how you always want what you can't have? That's how sandwiches are to pregnant people who tend towards paranoia.

Why I Am a Black Male Feminist.

2011-03-20T10:31:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted some sort of crazy liberal rant, so here it is.

Baby room on a budget.

2011-03-19T17:16:00.002-05:00

Ok. So I *could* have skipped the bedding set, the new curtains, the new paint, the wall decor, etc etc etc. Really, what does a baby need? A place to sleep (be it a $100 crib or a $500 crib, or a drawer as they did not so long ago), clothes (thank God for hand-me-downs), and food (me).

Well what's the fun in that? The coming together of this room and all the baby prep is quintessentially me - a good balance of frivolous and frugal. Here's how it's looking:

I maintain that my only error was going to Babies R Us with my mom and another woman of equal persuasive skills. Together they whittled away at my resolve with their dastardly logic and I bought the bedding set I had picked out as my favorite. It was $70 off for a floor model set, see.

And what does every crafter do when she's pregnant and facing a deluge of baby products to register for, buy, clean, and organize? She thinks "oh, I can just make that" about every fifth item and then suddenly she's got several yards of fabric and two sewing machines that barely work, plus two gallons of paint and a husband who will be recovering from foot surgery for a couple of months. She may become a little overwhelmed and possibly weepy.

On the other hand, I got the bedding on clearance, the paint with a coupon, the fabric on sale, and the wall art at a discount at my place of employment. All this cost about $275. At the original prices I would have paid about $415, and it would've been a lot more if store-bought curtains and a new rocker were involved. So we might splurge a little on the crib because the one we really, really, ridiculously want is maybe a little expensive. But STILL. I could totally be on Design on a Dime.

642 things.

2011-03-17T20:25:00.014-05:00

I bought a book at work that I hope will help my creative endeavors, because it takes very little thinking and almost no physical movement. It's called 642 Things to Draw. I realize that having the need to be told what to draw suggests a basic lack of creativity and I'm *pretty sure* the drawings I do will suggest a basic lack of talent. I humbly accept this and look forward to tackling such sketches as "a jar full of pennies" and "a mirage." Yes, a mirage. Probably the most entertaining drawings will be inspired by things like "swim fins," I don't really know what those are.

So whenever I feel particularly sedentary I'm going to get out my mechanical pencil and draw until I come across a suggestion that I'm too weary to take on, or until I'm so angry about the disconnect between the picture in my head and the one on the paper that I retreat into a silent reverie and stare wistfully out the window for the rest of the day, probably rocking back and forth ever so slightly.

I'm making a rule for myself that I won't skip anything and I will post everything - no matter how embarrassing this gets. Also, there are no instructions or pictures in the book to follow so I'll be doing it all by memory before finding actual pictures of these things to see how far off I am.

I started at the very beginning yesterday, and here's where it took me...

Turns out that while I was clever enough to interpret this more than one way, I do not know how to draw a suit jacket. So Mr. Anchorman (or Mike "Snaggle-eye" Pomeranz) looks like he's wearing a lab coat with a very respectable pocket square. See how he's shuffling his news papers with his tiny hands? All around, I'm pretty pleased.

Eh? Eh?

I was trying to go for a striped canvas, but my version just isn't quite there.

I feel very, very guilty.

2011-03-16T11:50:00.004-05:00

Hubs had surgery last week on his foot. There was cutting, of course, but also there was sawing and screwing. Basically, they made him an arch. Gross. Painful. And I am now playing Dobby to his Harry Potter. Which is fine; I've only wanted to smack him a handful of times. I guess sometimes I'm Kreacher.

So he's been living on the couch with his foot elevated and various Netflix programs running for about 12-18 hours a day. Sure, I've kept the kitchen clean and done laundry, but what else do I do? I do not knit. I do not do the Egret Effects taxes that I don't know how to do. I sit and watch episodes of Futurama, all of which I've seen, or episodes of Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations," which I don't even like.

I'm seriously going to consider giving up TV for lent next year. It's obviously too late this year because lent has already begun. And obviously I need my Catholic guilt to motivate a change that is otherwise unthinkable. And obviously I know that giving things up for lent is not necessarily as important as doing extra things for the good of the world and/or the soul...does caring for a baby count?

For now there is still the guilt over the taxes.

Let the garden grow?

2011-03-09T10:45:00.003-06:00

Is that an expression? Because if it is, it implies that you just throw some seeds out and crack open a Coke, sit on the porch, and wait. Even if that is the way it works with zucchini, it otherwise doesn't make any sense.

Anyways, I really really want to have a garden this year but have heard all kinds of warnings about doing so while pregnant. I guess it's probably true I should avoid digging in dirt that certainly has rabbit and squirrel droppings throughout. Maybe that's why Penny has been "managing" more than her own waste? Such a helpful dog.

Wouldn't it be enough to wear gloves and a mask? Even if I don't become uber crunchy and use my own carrots to make baby food, fresh green beans just sound too delicious.

Halfway to ohmygodwehaveababynowwhatdowedo?

2011-03-04T18:16:00.002-06:00

Ok, diapers and naps and eating. That's cool.

But what if we have a cranky baby? How long is too long to cry? Is it normal to get up at random times to check that the baby is still breathing? What will we do when we run into all of the horribly scary and inevitable questions that every new parent faces EVERY DAY FROM HERE TO ETERNITY?

I suppose we'll get out a couple of the grocery bags we use for recycling, try to crumple the ridiculously large openings around our mouths, take two useless breaths, and then just deal with it.

I'm actually not freaking out - in general - about having a kid so much as I still freak out about potential problems with pregnancy/birth. Leave me alone! I can't help it! I'm emotional and forgetful and anxiety-prone! The warnings I've been given are clearly valid: once you're pregnant you'll spend the next forever worrying. First that you'll make it to the 12-week mark, then the 20-week ultrasound, then the 25-week mark where you feel like there's a reasonable chance for survival if the baby's born super early. Then the oodles of worries over the birth itself, and then the worries of post-fetusdom. Weight, brain development, choking, various colds and flus, acceptance at school, grades, broken bones and other injuries, and so on and so on.

Now, this is a crafting blog. But because we're at that celebrated halfway point and, given the monumental nature of having a child, some reflection is due. And now I think I'm done with the crazy.

Feeling him move around is my favorite thing ever. Sure, I cried when I discovered the emergence of stretch marks radiating from my distorted belly button, but I'm over it. I'm excited to be bigger. I want to wear sun dresses and, like my adorable friend E. Dittmar, I want to be that cute pregnant lady wearing a bikini at least once. I had some spells of ickiness in the early weeks, but was never ill. This time around it feels like my body was made to do this, and that's nice.

I'm doing yoga once a week. I've discovered that, as overwhelming as it is to prepare for a baby, I still enjoy it. Baby clothes are adorable, and luckily Becky has good taste, because we'll be able to borrow all of Finn's tiny things. I'm so grateful for having people around who will lend us things and understand my worrying and forgive my sleep-deprived, possibly weepy stupor. I'm grateful that I have a husband who is present and engaged, good in a crisis, and generally fantastic. I can't wait to get pictures of him and the child together. I really can't wait to see if they truly have clone pinkies, and if he'll pick up some of hubs's mannerisms.

In the mean time, I should maybe invest in some brown paper lunch bags.

I should just start referring to my dog as "my cat."

2011-03-01T14:02:00.002-06:00

I don't know how to title this post without using a pun, so here it is: OH, BOY!

2011-02-21T12:31:00.006-06:00

I was nervous for our ultrasound this morning because I'm a worrier and I just can't help it. But everything looks good and we could clearly see that we're having a boy. Most people, including myself, thought it would be a girl, but there you have it. Now I can start really obsessing about names.

The tech didn't get the greatest pictures because he was moving around so much. We like to imagine he's pretending to be a T-Rex. But the best and coolest thing ever is that when we finally got a good shot of his hand you can see he has hubs's crooked pinky:

So I'm really relieved and excited. When I called my sister to tell her the sex she exclaimed to the room at large and I could hear Sammy shouting, "yay, yay, yay, yay!" Laura wanted to talk to me. "I'm so excited that your baby is a boy," she said very politely and evenly. "I hope I will like him like I like Max. I think I will." I'm sure she would have been much more jubilant had it been a girl, but it was a sweet moment.

The sweater I actually made and have worn.

2011-02-19T22:06:00.003-06:00

Cascade 220 makes a toasty garment, which I've needed up until a few days ago when we had an incredibly warm spell of 50 degrees. Of course now it's getting cold again, because that was just a horrible - and yet glorious - fluke. It is not in February's true nature to stay above freezing for more than 24 hours. February is Minnesota's one great flaw. Unless you count March.

Anyways, I'm happy to say that the flaws in my knitting are known only to me and to the few people I've confessed them to, and I know where all of them live, so whatever.

It took a year to complete this project and that does not bode well for someone with several dozen sweater patterns in her faves and a baby brewing. Given the choice, I'd rather be knitting than doing laundry or wiping butts, but sacrifices will have to be made. The dangers of falling asleep with sharp objects in my hands aside, maybe I can knit while the baby naps.

Silly as it may be, I nixed my original plan to use toggle buttons on this sweater because they can sometimes be sort of pokey. Pokey things on clothing are uncomfortable for babies, therefore toggle buttons are out. It's a classic A=B and B=C so A=C situation. It's ironic, really, because I'm starting to maybe notice that this baby is a bit pokey itself. We're still in the was-that-the-baby-or-just-gas? phase. But it's exciting to speculate.

Also exciting is that our anatomy ultrasound is in two days. TWO DAYS! BOY OR GIRL? We shall see. In 35 hours, to be precise.

Valentine's blue.

2011-02-14T16:30:00.003-06:00

Who says Valentines have to be pink and red and purple and sparkly and ruffly? Other than every six to ten-year-old girl I've ever known?

A four-year-old boy. It kills me that he no longer accepts my kisses and I suppose someday he'll stop giving me his already sparse hugs, but I'm embracing the way Sammy does love. And that is through race cars.

Winter Whites

2011-01-21T21:49:00.002-06:00

For no reason in particular I recently decided to do a treasury. If I can't buy lovely things, at least I can hoard them in an electronic capacity.

I'm on a button hunt.

2011-01-15T22:04:00.002-06:00

I actually finished the sweater I've been making for the last year. WOO HOO! And it totally fits. But it needs eight good-sized buttons (maybe 1.5") and I need advice. I don't want to post a picture because I need totally organic suggestions.

So imagine a long winter-white sweater vest with large cables and a ribbed collar/hem/front opening. What color are the buttons? What sort of texture? What shape? Pretend that there are no limitations, just imagine the ideal buttons. And then tell me where I might be able to get them.

It's an it!

2011-01-12T20:32:00.005-06:00

To begin, I suppose we should go back to February the 21st of the year of our Lord two-thousand-and-ten. I announced that I was pregnant, but then suspiciously never spoke of it again. Less than a month after that announcement, I no longer had that baby. We lost it at ten weeks. Later in the summer, we lost another baby at just five weeks. All the things you imagine a person thinking and feeling were thought and felt...with one simple reaction overarching: disbelief.

This is what led me to recently comment that "I'm filing 2010 away in the 'to shred' folder and moving forward in the hope that 2011 will be grand." Last year was filled with the devastation of losing two babies, but it did end with a third that continues to exist and is now at 13 weeks.

It was actually the endocrinologist who gave us the news. I saw him because I suspected I could be pregnant, and I also suspected that I might have a very rare problem called Auto-Immune Progesterone Dermatitis. If I was correct on both accounts, I wanted to find out what to do before the hypothetical baby was in any hypothetical danger. Luckily, I was wrong about the cause of my itchiness, and a man who usually has to tell people they're diabetic got to tell someone they're expecting. He was obviously excited about it, although I admit that our reaction was pretty much, "Oh God. Well, alright."

Being an incredibly anxious and paranoid person, I'm still very much uncomfortable with being too blase about it just because we're past the old "danger zone" of the first trimester. If I've learned one thing in the last year, it's that you can't count on anything in regards to pregnancy.

BUT, as a couple good friends point out, that's not a very peaceful or happy mindset. The stress of the last couple of months has lessened. Now I'm a little less Negatron and a little more Optimist-Prime. We've seen and heard the heartbeat. We saw a bean shape at eight weeks turn into a recognizable human just four weeks later. I've been lucky to have minimal morning sickness. I crave sweetness and vitamin C, which has led to a healthier diet than I've probably ever had (unless you consider the portions...). I've even allowed myself to start thinking of names and looking at crib bedding again.

The next thing to look forward to is, incidentally, February the 21st of the year of our Lord two-thousand-and-eleven. We have the anatomy ultrasound scheduled, where they'll measure all the organs, watch the blood flow through the heart, and look for the sex. Five weeks seems like FOREVER away, but by then, hopefully, the it will be a he or she who's basically all put together and just needs to grow. Fingers crossed.

I've met my match. Damn you, Hot Wheels.

2011-01-04T19:59:00.005-06:00

Christmas is a time for traditions. Sparkling trees, nostalgic ornaments, hot cider, lovely gifts, and playing the same songs over and over until all retail workers everywhere begin to bleed from their ears. Also cookies. Spritz, date cookies, rum balls, monster cookies, double chocolate cookies, Belgian waffle cookies, thumbprints, haystacks, Hershey Kiss peanut butter cookies... So. Many. Cookies.

Of course the best part is that my nephews and niece get so excited. I learned how to type in like the fifth grade, but Laura is in first grade and already at about that level. She could operate the DVD player when she was two. And now she has a little gaming system on which she logged about four hours directly after opening it.

Finn is too little for electronics. He almost ate the Christmas tree. You can imagine what his drool would do to something with batteries. And Max is so little that he needed to sleep all through gift opening, which is just as well because the constantly flashing camera would've probably been real annoying.

Sammy received a few sets of Hot Wheels track kits, all of which he insisted that I set up for him. What with missing parts and track that has to be held down in just the right way to keep the cars on course, I was not pleased. I stuck it out for a half hour, and then all the adults were begging the children to just sit and watch a movie. We're horrible people.

Penny was ever so pleased to be reunited with my grandma.

Now it is 2011 and I'm going to say this: I'm filing 2010 away in the "to shred" folder and moving forward in the hope that 2011 will be grand. Now I'm going to knit so I actually have something of substance to share!

This is the most amount of clothes I've worn in possibly ever.

2010-12-20T18:52:00.003-06:00

Last night our furnace stopped taking in air to heat so the house was holding steady at 55 degrees, the temperature at which I stop denying the dog the benefit of sleeping under the covers with us, resulting in me being wedged between her and hubs in a tomb-like position all night except when I had to get up to pee at 5 am, which thoroughly woke me up because you can imagine how cold the toilet seat was. I'm still wearing no less than five layers of clothes, even though an HVAC guy came out like six hours ago and fixed the problem. I hate being cold.

On the plus side, I got some knitting done today and helped my star* student fix a couple of problems in her own projects. We had the fireplace going, the tree lit, and Ghostbusters 2 on TV. Turned out to be a pretty nice snowy day. Maybe after the holidays I won't be working full time and I'll be able to finish that sweater that's been in the works for months!

*my only student

Two things: rashes and crafts

2010-12-02T20:53:00.004-06:00

Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here. It's almost like somebody's been too busy to blog, or read blogs, or even check email... ah, work. So here's what's been going on.

Unfortunately, the first subject is reminiscent of a previous post where I speculated on the success of a health-related blog, which I realized then - as I realize now - would be gross and inappropriate and unnecessary. Well, whatever. Let's revisit two weeks ago, when I thought I might implode from wanting to rub my back on a tree trunk bear-style. I was in the middle of a skin patch test that was thankfully as worthwhile as it was torturous. Here are my unexpected results:

The main culprit has been formaldehyde and formaldehyde-releasing preservatives. These are in everything from shampoo to lotion to makeup to clothes. Clothes. Also some topical antibiotic ingredients are to blame, and even though no one really seems to be sure of the meaning of "irony," I'm pretty sure it has something to do with unwittingly putting antibiotic cream that you're allergic to on a cut, allowing it to penetrate right into your system.

So wrinkle-free, wash-and-wear, and blended-fiber clothes may be a problem. Basically, I might have to buy an entire wardrobe of hand-wash wool and cotton. Or become a nudist. Before taking either of those leaps, however, I'm trying to switch all of my products to see if this clears up. I brought in a suitcase to my testing full of all the products in our house and came home with approval to continue using about 15% of them. Above, you can see the binder of info the doctor gave me, most of which is comprised of an itemized list of products that are safe for me to use. It's kind of a pain. in. the. ass. to bring a binder to Target or Walgreens, where I may or may not find something because many of the products are a bit obscure (hey, if you can't get it at Target...) and I don't necessarily have a ton of choices (for example, below you can see that of 150 reported conditioners, I can only use 17). Don't tell my optometrist, but I have yet to find an eye makeup remover. Honestly though, I can't complain. All kinds of horrible theories have been spinning a web of anxiety, so finding a relatively benign cause and being able to do something after a year of discomfort is so welcome.

Aaaaand, onto more fun crafty things. While I was pacing the main floor of my house concentrating on not itching, I was neglecting to prepare for the second HandmadeMN Market. Sure enough, I left all my business cards at home along with my receipt book and some of my more popular products. Still, it was a fun and profitable show thanks to the HandmadeMN leaders (Toni, Lindsay, Kelly, Jenny...) and their crack teams of helpers. The time of year didn't hurt either. Hoards of our customers were out holiday shopping. Everything I bought was for myself :) except for the ladybug hair clip.

I am thankful for dirt.

2010-11-25T11:41:00.000-06:00

Things about Minnesota that I am thankful for and maybe someday will inspire a craft:

My family.

Freshly fallen snow that coats every little tiny twig on every tree-lined street, but only until it becomes a world of slush made gray by car exhaust.

Lakes. So many lakes.

Fireplaces that actually get used.

Summer sunsets at 9 pm.

Hotdish. Where would we be without tuna noodle casserole?

The MINNESOTA TWINS.

The North Shore. It's the Hamptons of MN.

Target. You're welcome.

Green bean casserole, preferably made with nothing but canned ingredients.

Dirt; specifically the warm kind that smells good because it is a reminder that it's summer.

I don't know how any of these could translate into a craft, but perhaps it'll be an interesting quest to embark upon, like the Native Americans discovering Grand Portage.*

*It wouldn't actually be anything like that, but I needed a MN-related simile.

Practical Layers with Impractical Shoes

2010-11-17T12:50:00.003-06:00

Practical Layers with Impractical Shoes by Theresa 'Orr' Bernard featuring a vneck tee

It snowed the other day and I've still been able to resist getting out my long underwear. Must. Build. Tolerance.

I should be spending this afternoon off by preparing for the HandmadeMN Market this Saturday, but I'm not. I'm catching up on my stories and eating pizza rolls in an effort to distract myself from the insane, horrible, profound, soul-wrenching itchiness on my back. Eleven months of all-over skin irritation finally drove me to a patch testing clinic. A hundred and twenty-some patches were placed on Monday, followed by two excruciating days of wanting to set piranhas on myself. The patches came off today for an initial "reading," and the good news is that we might be figuring out the problem. The bad news is that I might be allergic to my clothes. So, since I'm not allowed to actually scratch the damn itch, I'm treating myself to a day in front of the television while attempting to numb 3/4 of my back with ice. This is the life(?).

Let's return to some normalcy, shall we?

2010-11-08T09:12:00.002-06:00

Another HandmadeMN Market is coming up on November 20th! I am super behind on making new stuff, but I have done some holiday gift tags, and here is a preview:

I am so sorry about this post.

2010-11-03T21:18:00.005-05:00

You know, I was just thinking to myself, "self, what if instead of writing a blog about the mundane goings-on of a crafter, you wrote about the mundane status of your health and various medications? On one hand, the topics are equally uninteresting to a world of people who are busy with their own crafts and have their own bodies and minds to worry about. On the other, they're both just about the nitty-gritty of life, to which everyone can relate. Plus people are super voyeuristic and will read just about anything."

And then I was all, "you know, that's all true, but the real benefit of a state-of-being blog such as we're discussing is that it will finally give the elderly motivation to join the internets!"*

And then I wondered how a post might go, and imagined this:

Dear Electronic Universe,
Well, the diverticulitis is flaring up again. At least I think that's what the pain in my side and the random diarrhea is. I don't know why in God's name I ate that popcorn last night. The chlordiazepoxide does nothing, so I'm going to take Martha's advice and ask the doctor for ciprofloxacin, which you have to take three times a day** unfortunately. That'll make 13 pills every 24 hours! Doc has to adjust my thyroid medication, too. And then add to that the antibiotic ointment he'll most likely prescribe for my eczema. Guess I'll be sleeping with socks on my hands again!

See, I made most of that up*** and it was still really cathartic. And I bet there's a heap of folks who would commiserate on any one of the many implicated ailments. If I were elderly I might not have included links, because I probably couldn't figure out how to do it,**** and let's hope I couldn't figure out how to upload pictures because there is a time and place for visuals and this would not be it, but old people often lose their sense of inhibition and do some pretty crazy - and sometimes nasty - stuff.*****

* It's not habitual for me to have discussions with myself like this.
** No idea what the dosage is, and I don't care.
*** Actually, this just a small sample of some of the medical problems plaguing my family members.
**** I feel really bad about saying that. It's just that my grandma, whom I love dearly, has a lift chair with three buttons that she cannot master. It frustrates her and everyone else, but it is what it is. Not 30 myself, I can tell my brain function is not what it used to be - *possibly* due to computer use, but that would be entirely counterproductive to point out here.
***** I feel bad about saying this, too. But that same grandmother, and her mother before her (both well past the age of 80 at their respective outbursts), has declared, "ah, bit by the trouser worm!" after learning of some relatives' pregnancy or other.

Kids craft the darnedest things

2010-11-03T10:31:00.000-05:00

Well, even though there has been little to no crafting going on in my house of late (*sob*), the kids have been creating all kinds of treasures and graciously gifting them to me.

For instance, this bookmark Laura made by using some fancy scissors on a bit of scrapbooking paper. It is sparkly and I love it.

And this painting Sammy did depicting a race track with race cars all around. One of the red ones (or possibly all of the red ones) is Lightening McQueen.

If you're familiar with Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages - which I put some amount of stock in - you'll understand when I say that I'm "gifts." Perhaps perceived as the shallow, materialistic love language, "gifts" people like myself are not really looking for things so much as the thought and effort behind those things. So when a six-year-old gives you something she would not use or necessarily care about but knows you'll use because she's drawing on something she knows about you (in this case, that I like to read), it's kind of perfect.

Which isn't to say that I can't appreciate gifts of sweet electronics and the like.

Hawaii Part 2: Wherein we battle sand, bugs, ski slopes, and the Phoenix airport.

2010-10-29T14:14:00.003-05:00

This is the view from our hosts' abode. I mean, I guess it's ok. From my own home you can see a bar, a mill that emits a putrid dog-food smell as it is currently being torn down, and the orange abomination that is our neighbor's house. There is also a lovely view into our back yard where we have a classy chicken-wire fence around our mostly bare/dead garden.

Naturally, with the splendors of tropical heaven all around us, we spent some time indoors playing with the Pattersons' new Wii Fit. I can happily report that my Wii Fit age is 31, only two years older than I actually am. I can also report that anything having to do with coordination is bound to be a fiasco, while I am awesome at anything having to do with luck or with standing mostly still. So...nothing has changed since grade-school. For example, trying to head-butt soccer balls was IMPOSSIBLE, but I ruled the ski jump:

None of the following people are any of us. The only surfer in the group had a broken leg. I'd like to say that I would try surfing, but I'm not that good of a swimmer, plus I had enough trouble just staying upright in the breaking waves on shore. Followed by a whole lot of trouble with sand in places sand should not be.

The sand in Minnesota is totally different - tiny little balls that roll right off the skin. In Hawaii the sand is made of bits of shell that suction themselves to you. Everywhere. So that's one drawback to paradise. The other is that there are cockroaches and poisonous centipedes. But Raid smells surprisingly good.

And this is a mountain by some name that rests in an area I don't know that was once described by a very famous author whose name I forget as "the best view in the world." I don't go on vacation to learn.

PS - Did you know that the Delta gates at the Phoenix airport are not in the main terminal? We didn't either, until we had toured the whole thing in our hour-long layover before being told to exit the airport, take a bus to another area, and re-enter through security. We were those people running through the airport with unwieldy rolling luggage, swearing and sweating profusely because we layered for the frigid airplanes but it was 90 degrees in Arizona. I was the last person to board after running to the gate in my socks. I WIN, PHX!

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday FINALE: My Favorite Things

2010-10-27T15:06:00.000-05:00

Here I am at the end of my blog adventure that began almost five months ago. It took less time than I thought it would, but it did inspire me to really appreciate the talent that resides within a radius of just hours from my own home. I have to apologize to the shops who were not featured; it was not purposeful. Every shop was included unless it was on vacation or would not load at the time of my creating the treasury. If I were more organized, I would have kept track so I could go back and feature those who I missed. Maybe I'll get it together someday, but in any case I hope to continue to find time to peruse Etsy between work and family and selling the house and random medical mysteries and whatnot.

This last treasury is just some of my very favorites from the past five months.

MY FAVORITE THINGS
featuring

A Handmade Princess
Round Bottom Baby
Veske by Lindsay
Crafterall
Christine by Hand
Rose and Vinnie
My Friend London
Western Art Glass
Oh Hi Shop
One 9 Designs
Cholula Jewelry
XO Handworks
Just Another Day Designs
Mary Foster Creative
Owl Shop
Vintage Recreations

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 16: Just a Little Something

2010-10-20T15:06:00.002-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING
featuring

Cayenne Peppy
Artistic Edition
A Handmade Princess
Creative Fabrications
Gingham Life
Glorious Hats
Julie Meyer
Kelly Hanson Handmade
looks SEW nice
Mary Littfin
Palette Passion
Pins with Fury
Seedling Design
Skylark Dawn
The Cozy Corset Cuff
Wynzia

Hawaii Part 1: Wherein we spend our second honeymoon with four friends.

2010-10-13T22:34:00.005-05:00

Ignoring the hacked up photoshopping job I did to edit out some people and make this beach appear more exclusive than it actually was, you can totally see how awesome it is in Hawaii. It's just that beer bellies don't really sell a place. It was my favorite beach out of the many that we visited on the north shore of Oahu, where there are inexplicably NO hotels other than the Turtle Bay resort. But that didn't so much matter because we were able to stay with the newly-wed Pattersons. Some couples go on vacation to reconnect; we use romantic beach scenes as rendezvous points to meet with worldly friends and invade the homes of folks married less than two months.

Waimea beach is about ten minutes from our hosts' abode. Fifteen minutes away is the renowned Turtle Bay, where you can get ridiculously expensive facials and actually see hoards of sea turtles. The feral cat hanging around the spa was slightly off-puting, but the *free* shower caps made up for it. In between Turtle Bay and "home" is Sunset beach, where the great Pacific Ocean claimed the rental car keys. At least I got an opportunity to snap this horrible pic of a TINY egret while we waited for a ride. These things were everywhere and only about 10" tall. Super cute.

And here we are, sans Hubs who is taking the pictures. Gimpy McGimperson, The Bride, me, Baby Mama, and Morning Fox.

In celebration of Gimpy's 30th birthday we spent a night in Waikiki and stayed in the very same hotel where Hubs and I had our honeymoon five years ago. We also spent the week eating massive quantities of food, especially meat. Also, vacationing with friends is very, very dangerous for the pocketbook. All for the birthday. Yes, the birthday.

In the next installment: we battle sand, bugs, ski slopes, and the Phoenix airport.

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 15: Art...Is

2010-10-13T13:34:00.000-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
ART...IS
featuring

Choosing Beauty
Cindy Lindgren
Foxglove Photographics
Linden Leaf Designs
Locality
MT Art for Empty Walls
Olivia Moore Art
Red Shoes Design
Sarah Thole
Starglow Studio
Meredith Dillman

Oh. My. God.

2010-10-11T14:06:00.002-05:00

So we got back from a vacation in HAWAII last night, and I've not gotten myself together for a post about it, but I will say this:

Our dog has been rolling in poop.

Dad: Penny's been good, but she kind of smells.
Me: Well, that's normal.
Dad: Ehhhhh.....
Me: Oh, it's gotten worse?
Dad: I took a wet towel to her, but she still smells.

Sure enough, it was time for the most thorough bath of her life. Welcome home!

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 14: Wish I Were a Kid Again

2010-10-06T19:41:00.000-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
WISH I WERE A KID AGAIN
featuring

Embe
Lolly Bop Baby
Miss B Accessories
Not A Potato
Round Bottom Baby
Sweet Gracies
The Hobby Room

Max

2010-10-01T21:51:00.000-05:00

I'm just racking up the nephews here, and I'm behind on the sharing. Newest one is Maxwell Douglas, brother to the infamous Laura and Sam, born of my sister's womb on September 16, 2010.

His second cousin, Emily, was born two days earlier over in Wisconsin. I wonder if her cord has fallen off yet. Max's fell off the other day and no one knows where it went. I think the dog ate it.

Max still sleeps a lot but he's hands-down the best eater I've ever known. He literally was born ready. I know because I was there. It was not as messy as I was expecting, and it was just the amount of disturbing I was expecting. Also miraculous and emotional.

Laura totally loves him and wants to hold him and is very concerned with his well-being. She makes his bed. Sammy is unsure, as any four-year-old would be, but is mostly amenable to the baby.

And all I want to do is squeeze and poke his little baby tummy and cheeks. That is all.

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 13: How Many Tuppence Can I Fit in this Bag?

2010-09-29T13:50:00.000-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
How Many Tuppence Can I Fit in this Bag?
featuring

All Things Jane
And More Bags
Crazy Busy
Shaggy Baggy
Trigo
Veske by Lindsay

A little gnome told me...

2010-09-26T11:21:00.003-05:00

to make a gnome hat. And then put a beard on it. So I did, and I'm hoping it will fit an infant and that said infant will tolerate it just long enough for a photo op.

Here it is next to a mug for scale:

Adult-sized version coming soon, possibly even with a pattern attached!

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 12: Senses and Sentiments

2010-09-22T13:24:00.001-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
SENSES AND SENTIMENTS
featuring

Herbal Apothecary
Mirasol Farm
Sacred Suds
Twilight Soaps and Gifts
Warm Hugs
Appleberry Ink
Crafterall
Created by Kristen M
The Foxy Squirrel

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 11: Mishmash of Goodness

2010-09-16T11:42:00.000-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
MISHMASH OF GOODNESS
featuring

The Mermaid's Dowry
Sue Pariseau Pottery
Bath N Beads
Christine By Hand
Prayer Bedes
Regan's Brain
Rita's Creations
Tina B Designs

Oh, it's on.

2010-09-14T13:46:00.000-05:00

Oh, 1960s, you crack me up.

2010-09-12T11:11:00.000-05:00

Just sharing another gem that came from my grandma's house.

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 10: Sew Nice

2010-09-09T11:23:00.000-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
SEW NICE
featuring

Baroness Color
Frankensweaters
Come Along Fawn
Danger Kitty Designs
Hartford Avenue Quilts
Pixie Spit
Riyah-Li Designs
Rose & Vinnie
Yo Thread Works
Zippity Duda

All "cabins" should have showers, dishwashers, and four bedrooms.

2010-09-08T15:11:00.006-05:00

There's nothing wrong with camping, but I prefer to visit the north woods in comparative luxury. Hubs and I recently traveled to the Ely area, birthplace of Jessica Biel and home-base of Jim Brandenburg, to spend a long weekend at a friend's cabin.

Like "our" cabin, it does indeed have showers, a dishwasher, and four bedrooms. Also like our cabin, activities are dictated largely by the children in attendance. Thus, there was chasing:

a fair amount of crushing:

plus a lot of story time, bike riding, and *trying* to take naps.

The cabin was fantastic and our lovely hostess bestowed upon us her glorious cooking skills via homemade cheese, bread, flapjacks, chocolate zucchini cake... it was glorious. We also found opportunities to do all the real cabin-y stuff a person should:

hiking, knitting, cribbage-playing...

canoeing, fishing, s'more-making...

and doing an impression of one of my favorite Harry Potter movie moments.

One day Google is going to rule the world. Mark my words.

2010-08-31T20:32:00.007-05:00

So I was bored about five minutes ago while my pictures were uploading to the Target website and I decided to experiment with Google searching.

The first result for "crazy crafts" is this dude's blog from India and he's obsessed with origami.

On one hand, I can only imagine some high school delinquent using his wide-ruled paper for everything but notes. On the other hand, it is pretty cool.

Now if you search for "crazy art," the first result is a very obscure section of Houston's Chinatown Connection website titled "Crazy, Mind-boggling Art." I can't even find it via the homepage.

A. of all, I didn't know Houston had a Chinatown.
B. of all, somehow none of the artwork really fits. I mean, isn't that a white-tailed deer? We totally have those in Minnesota, and I'm pretty sure they do not populate China.
C. of three, some of the paintings aren't really all that crazy. Take Bucky* here. An animal form hidden in otherwise incidental scenery is not unheard of. Also not unheard of: melting clocks, dementors who've blown a tire, and gobble-ti-gook that takes the form of a sailboat if you stare at it long enough. Ahh, art.

Finally, a search for "food crafts" yields a top result from Incredible Edible Crafts, which is fantastic.

Gumball flower bouquet. Awesome. This former teacher devotes her site to providing instructions on creating candy/cookie/fruit/veggie bouquets. There's candy making and edible kids' crafts, too. A ton of it seems to be free. I burned myself just this noon making a regular old veggie burger, so I'm not about to start working with stringy, sticky, scalding sugar - but who knows. There was a time when I would've said I'd never make a cake with mohawked babies riding carrots on top.

And now I'm not bored, but I could really go for some candy.

*I realize this is a portrait of a doe, but I don't remember Bambi's mother's name, and after all, a painting of Bambi's mother would probably have a very different, very grusome look. And Doey sounds like I'm speaking of cookies or cake or donuts. I really need some candy.

Best. Tool. Ever.

2010-08-27T18:38:00.000-05:00

Back when I was a framer I got to use all kinds of *sweet* tools, and this was one of them:

Only the ones in the frame shop weren't pink. We used them for mounting artwork and sealing the dust covers to the back of the frames. When I'm framing things at home, I really, really miss those kinds of tools that make the job so much easier. Honestly, I just haven't bothered to put dust covers on my frames at home because I'm not big on diluting glue to paint on the back of the frame OR on wasting expensive scrapbooking tape, never knowing if it would hold anyways.

But now I have a glorious ATG gun, and it came with two giant rolls of acid-free tape, which I've already tried out making cards and it works just swimmingly. I don't know if these are still available(!), but I got it at Michaels and it was an awesome deal... other ATG guns I've found have been between $60 and $70. This was listed for $35, so with my 40% off coupon I got it for $20, and some portion of the profit was given to cancer research (hence the pink).

If I could buy a paper trimmer and a pneumatic staple gun (and maybe a several-thousand-dollar mat cutter) I'd set up shop.

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 9:

2010-08-25T20:13:00.000-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
MMMM...COZY
featuring

Fantastic Toys
Fennel Studio
My Friend London
Sewtropolis
Vantastic Designs

DIY Framing Tutorial

2010-08-23T21:11:00.003-05:00

Eventually, I hope to post it to the HandmadeMN blog, but in the mean time...

This tutorial brought to you by Theresa B of Egret Effects.

Nothing makes your house feel more like a home than seeing your favorite photos and artwork on your walls. I'll admit there was a time I used that sticky blue gum to hang things (namely, magazine cutouts circa my high school days), but a couple years as a custom framer has taught me that preserving and displaying your art can be, well, an art.

The thought of custom framing summons visions of dollar signs for many of us, and there's a good reason for that. Anything *custom* has a price tag that reflects the fact that it can't be used for anything but the one special thing for which it was made. A custom frame is well-built, the materials are suited for preserving whatever's going in it, and there's a surprising amount of ingenuity a framer must possess to design and fit together a finished piece.

That said, you're not going to have everything in your home custom framed unless you are, perhaps, Oprah Winfrey. Using my prized inaugural season home-opener Twins ticket, here are some pointers for framing at home.

The Frame
Buy a frame that's roughly proportional to your art. My ticket is about the size of a dollar bill. This frame is nicely wrapped so I'm pretty sure it's in good shape, and I can tell that the "writing" on the glass is just a decal.

When I get home, I open the frame and inspect it. Any work on the frame should be done while it's totally disassembled to prevent potential damage to the artwork. Attach the hanging hardware if necessary. Nicks in the frame can often be touched up with a marker - but test the color on the back of the frame first! Marks on the mat can often just be erased.

The Mounting
This is usually where some finagling has to take place. My *simple* project has three little problems: the backing is destroyed from pulling the mat off of it, the mat opening is not the right size, and the ticket is not flat.

Problem one is an easy fix. I cut a piece of black scrapbooking paper to the size of the frame for a new, preservation-friendly backing.

Problem two is more complicated. Skipping the mat altogether would be simple, but then a new problem would arise - the ticket would press against the glass. Any amount of moisture in there will wick right to the ticket and ruin it. So I can either have a mat custom cut (which might be $10-$20 for something small like this), or I can cut it myself.

Never try to cut a mat unless you have a mat cutter. Using a utility knife or an Exacto will not be pretty. Mat cutters are at least $50, but if you plan on doing this more than two or three times it's a good investment. They all work a little differently, so follow the directions closely and do some practice mats. Mat blanks (pieces that have no opening) can be purchased at most craft stores for a few dollars. In this case, I'm just going to cut the existing mat. And here is the most important fact about framing: You know how they say to measure twice and cut once? Well, they do. And they mean it. In the words of Professor Farnsworth, "I'm afraid we'll need to use...math!"

I want 3/8 of an inch of the black backing to show on each side of the ticket, so I add that to the ticket length and width to figure the mat opening, and then subtract those numbers from the size of the frame to determine the mat width. If I didn't want any of the backing to show, I would have to get a new mat blank and make the opening small enough to cover 1/8 inch of the art on each side to account for uneven edges or unsquare mat cuts.

Problem three can be solved simply by cutting strips of scrap matting 1/4 inch narrower than the mat and sticking them to the underside, lined up with the outside edge. This is called a raised mat, and it will prevent wavy or otherwise irregular artwork from touching the glass.

Now I can stick the raised mat to the backing, hold the ticket in position, and mount it to the backing with photo corners. Photo corners are essentially little pockets with sticky undersides. The ticket's four corners fit into the pockets, and the adhesive needs only to stick to the backing. The less adhesive on your artwork, the better the preservation. If the mat were overlapping the ticket, I would "hang" the ticket on two pieces of acid-free tape - one at each of the top corners.

Preservation-wise, the only thing missing from my project is UV-protective glass. You can have glass cut to the appropriate size with the cost depending on the grade of protection.

The Specs
As a framer, I've seen designs like this sell for anywhere between $50 and $300. That is money well-spent for a piece of art you want to take care of in the best possible ways. I sacrificed the wide selection of frame styles and mat colors, a few preservation techniques, and a little of my time - but I dropped less than $5 on this project. And then there's the price of the ticket...

Craft Supplies Sale!!

2010-08-19T14:10:00.004-05:00

Craft sales are the best thing since clothing swaps, and I. Am. Pumped. Sarah, one of the HandmadeMN members, is allowing other crafters (hoarders) to price their own stuff and bring it by so she can pawn it off on other obsessive DIY freaks.*

Yarn, fabric, frames, scrapbooking embellishments, paint supplies, beads, etc, etc, and even some free items. FREE! Hopefully I won't spend whatever money I make on new stuff. But that wouldn't be so bad.

Stop by the 13XX block of Murray Street in St. Paul if you're interested in participating in some awesomeness. Saturday, August 21, 8-2.

* I'm sure there won't be any freaks there. Only very normal, responsible, upstanding citizens who vote and have busy hands. In fact, if idle hands the devil's workshop, it's pretty much guaranteed that this sale will be full of heavenly angels.

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday 8: Glass Candy

2010-08-18T09:35:00.001-05:00

The premise:
This blogventure celebrates my favorite colors, blue and green, while paying homage to the awesomeness of the HandmadeMN members via Etsy treasuries. Each one features items from a particular crafting category as listed on the HandmadeMN blog. If you like the items, leave a comment on the treasury - comments will bump the treasury toward the top of the list so other folks are more likely to view it and give some love to these fabulous artists!

Some categories have just a few shops and others have so many that they'll cover more than one week; I want everybody to get fair attention, so you might see some random treasuries here and there. It'll take at least six months to get through all the HandmadeMN shops, so saddle up!

Ammendment 1 (8.8.10): When I say "Wednesday" I really mean any day of the week.

This week:
GLASS CANDY
featuring
Everyday Elegant
From Out of the Cracks
Wild Dog Studio
Pickleberries
Glass Garden Designs
Gotthold Glass Studio
Orange Moon Gallery
Western Art Glass

Wanted: Repurposing ideas

2010-08-09T14:24:00.000-05:00

First of all, I almost just typed "reporposing" in the title of this post, and now I'm wondering how you could reporpose something. Like it originally resembled a porpoise (correct spelling) but then something happened and it was disfigured so you reporposed it.

Also, I'm no etymologist, but apparently porpoises are also known as mereswine, which is like some strange hybrid of the French word for SEA (mer) and the English word for SWINE (swine) that essentially names these majestic creatures "pigs of the sea." Not very flattering.

Aquatic mammals aside, I recently purchased a box of cards from my place of employment, which I enjoy but blame for my severely reduced presence on the internets of late. Having used all the cards, I now have this cute box that I don't want to throw away. So my challenge to you, my little cabbages,* is to come up with a use or project idea.

*My junior-high French teacher insisted that this is a common expression of endearment, but as I remember it, she also used it interchangeably with "my little donkeys," and she also had a routine of what I can only assume was a full ten minutes of daily hairspraying. Not the kind of earth-friendly hairspraying we do these days (is that even a thing?), but the early 1990s kind of toxic, mind-numbing hairspraying.

Egret Effects

For when you lose one mitten.

Cat-dog gets a new bed.

Drawings 48 and 49.

Drawings 46 and 47.

Drawings 44 and 45.

Drawing 43.

Drawing 42.

New favorite craft: gift card holder.

I MADE A QUILT! AND IT'S FANTASTIC!

Hung with care. Hanged with care?

Crafting apocolypse?!

It could probably hold an apple and a few candy canes.

HandmadeMN Fall Market 2011: the goods.

The quilt pieces.

I think this is my first boozy post.

Does it count as crafting if you do it all online?

Three months.

I'm knitting, I swear!

Happy Christmas?

Two months.

Drawings 40 and 41.

Is it that time of year already?

Drawings 37-39.

I'm opening a doggie spa. $75/hour doggie massage.

Drawings 34-36.

One month.

The Onion really is an accurate news source.

Finn's first.

0 months?

Huh. Didn't expect to give birth the next day.

38 weeks yesterday.

The room is totally ready to not be used for like two months.

I get a lot of weird looks at the brewing supply store.

Sm'Orr shower craftiness.

Special people.

This is why I've been neglecting the blog, but I can't use it as an excuse as to why I've been neglecting my dog.

Drawings 29-33.

Drawing 28. I'm a little ashamed, but a little more proud.

Drawings 23-27.

Baby room preview number, like, 65.

Crafty shower gifts: Part 1.

Falling behind and catching up.

Curtains!

Drawings 19, 20, 21, and 22.

31 weeks.

Drawing 18 (2-for-1).

Drawing 17.

Tell that to my bladder.

Craft! Craft while you still can!

I'm making curtains. I *might* have gotten myself into a pickle.

Drawings 13, 14, 15, and 16.

I wish I made this.

Drawings 10, 11, and 12.

Drawing 9.

Drawing 8.

Drawings 4,5,6, and 7.

Why I Am a Black Male Feminist.

Baby room on a budget.

642 things.

I feel very, very guilty.

Let the garden grow?

Halfway to ohmygodwehaveababynowwhatdowedo?

I should just start referring to my dog as "my cat."

I don't know how to title this post without using a pun, so here it is: OH, BOY!

The sweater I actually made and have worn.

Valentine's blue.

Winter Whites

I'm on a button hunt.

It's an it!

I've met my match. Damn you, Hot Wheels.

This is the most amount of clothes I've worn in possibly ever.

Two things: rashes and crafts

I am thankful for dirt.

Practical Layers with Impractical Shoes

Let's return to some normalcy, shall we?

I am so sorry about this post.

Kids craft the darnedest things

Hawaii Part 2: Wherein we battle sand, bugs, ski slopes, and the Phoenix airport.

Made in MN Blogventure Wednesday FINALE: My Favorite Things

I'm making curtains. I might have gotten myself into a pickle.